Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter, email ’em to me anonymously at thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com. And, holy shit, I need to update this terrible intro paragraph that I’ve been using literally ever since I started writing this column…
Question:
If you could live your life as just one Looney Tune character, who would it be?
— Brandon Vick (@SirBrandonV) July 15, 2021
Answer:
You know, I’m going to say it – I feel like Foghorn Leghorn had it pretty good. He wasn’t some Elmer Fudd dumbass motherfucker trying to shoot all these animals, and he wasn’t being shot at all the time. He just hung around the farm, and there’s apart of me that respects that and hopes that I just get to lounge around a farm one day. There’s also probably a sect of people reading this thing, “yeah, duh Stoney – you’re big dumb loud ass IS Foghorn Leghorn.” But, the curious side of me wants to travel to Mars and see what that’s all about, so I think I might say Marvin the Martian here.
Question:
What are your personal rules for muting/blocking accounts on social media?
— brett (@thebrettclark) July 15, 2021
Answer:
This may sound like a complete sociopath move, but I don’t mute or block anyone. Let me see it – everything. I don’t care. I understand the benefits of getting the people that regularly piss you off out of your periphery, but I kind of enjoy seeing the shit show. Plus, there have been times when someone I DON’T care for has tweeted something that actually provoked an article out of me. So, I feel like I would miss those sorts of writing opportunities if I was generous with the mute/block buttons. It’s just not really my nature anyway – I’m a pretty laid back guy, and it’s more of my demeanor to giggle, say “fuckin’ idiot” and keep it moving. The only real exception I make is if I start seeing hateful and threatening stuff, or spam. I do feel like I’ve blocked and reported several Russian pornbots now that I stop to think about it. That’s where I’ll draw the line. Otherwise, I’m perfectly content to let people show their ass while I move on with my life. In the event I do see something that gets under my skin, I remind myself “it’s just Twitter” and log off.
Question:
Tell me what your ideal brunch menu looks like. Food and drinks.
— vhs guy (@RighteousJesse) July 15, 2021
Answer:
Oof – not the question to answer while I’m sitting here starving. I’m a big bloody guy, so I have to start with a Bloody Mary. But, if you go too deep into the bloodies, you’re just asking for a bad time and a particularly violent looking puke sesh. So, the Bloody Mary typically serves as an appetizer of sorts, and then fuck it – I’ll admit it – I love a good Mimosa. I’m not a fan of sweets for breakfast. I very rarely eat pancakes – like…I might be able to count the number of times I eat pancakes in a year on one hand. So, I’m not into all of that. I always go for the savory stuff, but it’s always super generic breakfast stuff. Every now and then, though – I stumble into a damn good brunch burger, and THAT, my friend, is the ticket for me. Give me a thick beef patty, some bacon, cheese, jalapenos/avocado, and top it all off with a fried egg. Also, Nectar has this crazy sweet potato hash on their brunch menu that consists of sweet potatoes and chorizo all hashed up and served with a fried egg on top. So, I’d go Bloody Mary > sweet potato hash > Mimosas and brunch burgers. Then, I would have my heart attack and die in peace. This may sound like a recipe for disaster, and I’ll tell you Jesse…it is. This formula has had me passed out sweaty by 4PM on numerous occasions, but I’ll fuckin’ do it every time.
Question:
Best yacht rock song of all-time and why is it “Summer Breeze”?
— Steven McCash (@MC_Cash75) July 15, 2021
Answer:
Man, I’ll give you this – “Summer Breeze” is an all-time summer banger, and it belongs among the elite when we’re talkin’ about the yacht rock genre. But, for me, the yacht rock G.O.A.T. will always be “Africa” by Toto. I regularly partake in blessing the rains, and genre aside, it’s one of my favorite songs of all time, period. Full stop. That shit ENERGIZES me.
But, I’m going to throw in a few more songs just to get the mood right on this fine Friday afternoon. Others among consideration: George Michael’s sultry sexy moist classic, “Careless Whisper,” the easy lustful listening of Spandau Ballet’s “True,” and of course, the erotic and throbbing melody of Elvin Bishop’s “Fooled Around and Fell In Love.” I don’t know why things got so sexual, but here we are. That’s what yacht rock will do to you.
Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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