Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter, email ’em to me anonymously at thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com. And, holy shit, I need to update this terrible intro paragraph that I’ve been using literally ever since I started writing this column…
Question, from Dom in person at Prost & Riot Monday night:
Worst sunburn?
Answer:
So, I went down to the Warped Tour in Atlanta when I was in college in 2005. Obviously, I thought I was tougher than the sun, and didn’t put on any sunscreen (I always hated how slimy it felt). After an entire day out in the sun, I was burnt to a crisp. Fun fact: pretty sure I nearly fainted due to heat exhaustion that day too. I was trying to save my money (I can live like a cockroach if I need to), and thought I’d go for as long as possible without getting something to drink. I almost waited too late….by the time I started looking for drinks, a lot of the booths were sold out. I finally found a bottle of water, but I barely had the strength to stand with it. I ended up sitting on the ground drinking it until I got some energy back, but it was pretty scary in the moment. Anyway, I also had super long hair at the time. It was tucked behind my ears all day, so by the time I took a shower that night and slicked my hair back, I noticed a nice little bright pink sunburnt triangle smack dab in the middle of my forehead. It was a BRUTAL day.
Question, from Dom in a follow-up text from that night:
Subway sandwich order of choice?
Answer:
Oh, it’s the pizza sub all day. I could eat a pizza sub every day if I had to. Deluxe pepperoni, provolone cheese, spinach, tomato, onion, olive, banana peppers, vinegar and oil, sriracha sauce, parmesan, and oregano. That’s the go-to.
Question:
You’re about to jump into the pool… what’s your go to move?
— vhs guy (@RighteousJesse) July 22, 2021
Hit me with your top 5 ice cream truck treats.
Answer:
I was always a big time cannonball guy, just because I’m so big I could always generate a pretty good splash. But, every now and then, I did like to show off my athleticism and hit ’em with a swanton bomb, shooting star, or moonsault off the diving board. On rare occasions, if I really wanted to get a reaction out of the crowd, I would do a shoot belly flop, sound like I was bouncing off of concrete, and that usually got a pretty good laugh out of the crowd.
As for ice cream trucks, my mind immediately goes to the Spongebob bar. This joker:
Yeah – 10/10 times, if this thing was available, I was getting it. So damn good, and I loved the gumballs. As for the top five, I’m going:
- Spongebob bar
- Orange push-up
- Strawberry crunch bar
- Orange creamsicle bar
- Ice cream Snickers
Question, from Kevin on Facebook:
Does Lebron’s poor showing in Space Jam 2 solidify MJ as the GOAT?
Answer:
I’m not saying you’re doing this Kevin, but I love the fact that there are people out there who are seriously comparing Space Jams as another way to differentiate between the two in the GOAT conversation. But, no – let’s keep the movies out of our basketball talk. It doesn’t change a thing for me – also, I haven’t seen it, so I don’t even know if you’re telling the truth here. Maybe Space Jam 2 is better than the original.
Question, from Brandon on Facebook:
Your favorite GI JOE is….
Answer:
It’s Snake Eyes, easy – I always loved his action figures, and always thought he had the coolest stories. They made him out to be this lethal ninja assassin, and that, my friend, is the nostalgia they’re going to draw out of me in order to get my money for this new movie that’s coming out.
Question:
It’s a Friday night in the year 2000. You’re hitting up your neighborhood Blockbuster. What are you renting and what snacks are you taking home?
— Steven McCash (@MC_Cash75) July 23, 2021
Answer:
I’m basically begging for anything except for popcorn. But, I was never that big into the snacks anyway….I was that kid who would’ve said, “can I use the money to just rent another tape?” instead of getting a snack altogether. So, I’m going to stay true to that and say I’m actually not getting any snacks, and instead, will get THREE tapes. I’m probably gonna go Independence Day because I wore that movie out. I’m gonna pick up some old WrestleMania tape, for sure. Finally, keep in mind, I’m 14 in the year 2000, so I’m going to sneak Eyes Wide Shut in so I can see some tiddies.
Question:
If you could compete in the olympics right now, which event you choosing to bring home the gold in?
— Patrick Criswell (@PatCrizzy) July 23, 2021
Answer:
I’m going table tennis – it’s the only Olympic event that I would even remotely have a shot in, and no – I don’t think I’m an Olympic-level table tennis player….I’m just sayin’ if you ask me to shoot an arrow at something, it’s going to be bad news. Table tennis is the only thing I’m experienced in.
Question, Tyler in the 11th hour of the mailbag!
@StoneyKeeley @SoBrosNetwork EMERGENCY MAILBAG QUESTION what are your thoughts on Texas and OU coming to the SEC?
— Sox, kid (@trtidwell) July 23, 2021
Answer:
It’s inevitable, man – and honestly, I don’t understand all the hate for it. We have been heading towards super conferences for YEARS now, and honestly, I think it’s the best way to make college football a little more competitive, and I think it’s the best way to accurately crown a National Championship. If the best teams are playing the best teams week in and week out, it takes a little bit of the subjectivity out of it. I have been for playoff expansion ever since the CFP started, but if you only have four conferences, you can pick each conference champ, trusting that they’ve played through the best of their league, and put ’em in the tourney together. My issue with a 4-team format was always that it left too much room for subjective error with five major conferences and the Group of Five (I’ll get to them in a minute). To me, eight was the perfect number, because you could allow all five major conference champs in, a Group of Five representative, and still have only two wild card spots to fill with other teams or independents (Notre Dame/BYU). You wouldn’t dilute the product too much. But, four super conferences solve that problem (because let’s face it – no Group of Five team is getting into the CFP).
It does feel like the rich getting richer, sure – but I don’t mind it. What’s really interesting to think about is all the dominos that will begin to fall if this deal goes through.
First, the Big 12 will implode in on itself. Oklahoma State, Baylor, Kansas, Kansas State, Iowa State, TCU, West Virginia, and Texas Tech, I’d guess, will be looking for new homes. I know at one point, the Big 12 was looking at BYU, Houston, UCF, and Cincinnati, but I just don’t think there’s any way they’ll hold on through this. The remaining Big 12 teams will want to find a home in a big time league. Now, that scrambling around could lead us to the big four super conferences in the SEC, Big Ten, ACC, and Pac-12. And, where everyone winds up could largely depend on what the independents do. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Pac-12 make a run at BYU. Nor would I be surprised if Notre Dame finally settled into the ACC.
But, if both of those things happen, it’s going to leave one or two teams out, unless a conference elects to go over 16 teams. And, that television footprint in Texas is a golden goose. The two I think are the safest are Oklahoma State and Texas Tech, because the Pac-12 was making a push to add them along with Texas and Oklahoma the last time realignment shook college football in 2011. West Virginia makes geographical sense for the ACC, but if they do land Notre Dame, they’ll only have one spot to fill, and considering they were also hopeful they’d be able to entice Texas and Oklahoma into joining the ACC, they may want to get into the Texas market with a TCU or Baylor instead.
The team I’m most concerned about is Iowa State – logically speaking, they make sense for the Big Ten, but I’m not sure how Iowa would feel about that, and if they’d try to block it. Kansas and Kansas State, as a package deal, make sense for the Big Ten, too, and would add to the significant revenue the conference earns in basketball too! Maybe Iowa State ends up in the Pac-12 or ACC should Notre Dame/BYU opt to stay independent. But, I don’t see a clear path for them that makes sense.
So, I think this ultimately gets us to another level of college football – all of the “haves” are going to essentially form their own super league, and my hope is that the “have nots,” the Group of Five, just decide to branch off on their own and have their own playoffs and realignment.
Damn, I just went down a rabbit hole on the SoBros Mailbag today.
Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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