Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter, email ’em to me anonymously at thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com. And, holy shit, I need to update this terrible intro paragraph that I’ve been using literally ever since I started writing this column…
Question:
Can I drink summer ale in December? Asking for myself? Please answer in the mailbag this week.
— Sox, kid (@trtidwell) July 29, 2021
Answer:
Of course you can – there’s no judgment here. I think you might have some trouble finding some summer ale in December, but by all means, you do you. We’re strong advocates of ‘live your life’ at this company. I don’t know what it is about the holidays that these companies see coming and think “we’ve GOT to get our shit out FIRST! NOW!” But, it seems like every year, the major home decor stores and the beer companies are just inching the approach of fall and Christmas up, day by day. It’s crazy – it wasn’t too long ago that I remember seeing Oktoberfest in stores in AUGUST and thinking, “what the fuck?” I can remember working retail, getting Christmas stuff in July, and our manager telling us to set that stuff aside until September. Now, you walk in a damn Hobby Lobby and they have Christmas ornaments out! We got Oktoberfest on shelves NOW! But, we don’t get that for our summer beers. Sometimes, it’s like they forget about it and once June rolls around, they hurry stuff out like, “OH SHIT – WE FORGOT THE MANGO IPA.” I don’t know why I’m ranting about this – probably because I haven’t been able to find my pineapple IPA I usually drink in the summer time, yet Oktoberfest is already on the shelves.
The world’s so focused on what’s next that we forget to take the time and appreciate what’s now. You can feel free to put that inspirational quote on a poster.
Question:
Since it’s going around TikTok, who are your four non-Marvel characters that can wield Mjölnir?
— brett is now a padres fan (@thebrettclark) July 29, 2021
Answer:
Great question – probably one of my favorites that’s ever been asked in this column. I love getting into hypothetical comic book shit. So, we have to determine what exactly it is about someone that makes them worthy of wielding Mjolnir, and that’s kind of tough to do. It’s super subjective, right? You have to be compassionate, but not weak. You have to possess the warrior’s spirit, but you can’t just be a lunatic serial killer bent on destruction. You have to be a capable leader when called upon, and a strong ally when not. So, it’s not just one thing that makes you “worthy.” There’s a gray area with it.
A lot of folks seem to default to Superman and Wonder Woman from the DC universe – while I think Wonder Woman is a great answer, I’m not sure about Superman. And, yeah – it’s the whole ‘warrior’s spirit’ thing for me. I’m also not a big Superman fan, so maybe that’s bias coming through. But, if I’m going to dip into DC, I want to make a bit of a deep cut. I’d actually say Martian Manhunter – this is a supremely powerful individual who is willing to do whatever it takes to protect the innocent. I also saw someone mention Optimus Prime from Transformers, and think that’s a great answer – Optimus Prime has all the qualities you’d look for in deeming someone worthy.
But, the first two that IMMEDIATELY came to mind were Aragorn from Lord of the Rings and Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. Holy shit – Aragorn just looks like he was born to raise that hammer into the sky. You want to talk about the total package, that man was the total package – a born leader, a fierce and brave warrior, and a compassionate soul whose intentions were to save the world. If it came down to one choice, Aragorn would be my guy. The same could be said for Jon Snow, but come on – he’s a little too pouty to take the top spot on this list. So, that’s it – my four would be Martian Manhunter, Optimus Prime, Aragorn, and Jon Snow.
I would also like to add that Aura added King Kong to the list of candidates, and I absolutely LOVE it. Let’s make that happen, Hollywood.
Question:
What’s your favorite board game? I was incredible at Sorry. I never lost. #sorrynotsorry
— Patrick Criswell (@PatCrizzy) July 30, 2021
Answer:
The timing of this question is impeccable, Patrick. I’ve got a video coming out next week counting down my top five favorite board games. At the risk of sounding like a total sociopath, I’m still going with Monopoly. There’s just something extremely engaging about that game – it’s big on strategy, and you can really fuck people up. Living my life at a desk, working with SalesForce and Microsoft Excel….that shit makes me want to really fuck someone over. Every now and then, I want to be the one with the power….not corporate America. So, Monopoly still gives me that satisfaction – the look on someone’s face when you acquire property and ask ’em for money. I get to be a pretend elite for a little bit. That’s some deeply-rooted psychological issue, I know…but I’m just being transparent here. Monopoly is both a stimulating and thoughtful game and it’s also a break from reality. Though, I will say – it was pretty hard for me to choose between Monopoly and Sorry.
Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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