Okay, here we go, folks. We have a hell of a story out of Alabama to break down today. I had trouble just getting this one down to a headline that would both convey the heart of the story and offer a little signature SoBros humor along with it. There’s just a lot going on. This is some Jerry Springer shit right here. It may even be juicy enough for Dr. Phil, but who’s to say for sure? Two guys in Alabama end up shooting each other – one’s at home, just minding his business, when an intruder shows up. He grabs his gun, but apparently, the shooter has a gun too, and they end up shooting each other and go to the hospital.
The Mobile County Sheriff’s Office said the wife told her husband that an “intruder” was in their Creola home Sunday night and he armed himself with a gun, WPMI reported. The men shot each other and both went to the hospital, the news outlet reported.
But, it turns out, in a downright shocking turn of events, this was no “intruder.” The guy had been secretly living in the house, and was getting in on the resident’s wife. That’s right – he was the wife’s boyfriend, and she had him holed up in the house somewhere that her husband wouldn’t notice. Let’s stop for a second – can you imagine? Do you know how pissed I would be? We could’ve been having threesomes this whole time, and you just kept this guy locked away? SMDH – that is grounds for divorce in my opinion. But, what does this say about the state of the world these days? You can’t even trust intruders in your own home to be actual intruders. They just turn out to be your wife’s boyfriend. So many fake ass people out there.
It does raise an interesting question, though – at least for a guy who’s into psychology like I am. Who are you more inclined or likely to shoot? An intruder in your home or your wife’s boyfriend? Or, both in the same shot? What does that do to the ol’ psyche when you find out the intruder and the wife’s boyfriend are one in the same? There’s a lot to really dive into with that. But, getting back to the actual story, it sounds like this woman was treating the boyfriend like a secret pet. Like, you brought in a stray dog and don’t want to tell dad about it or something.
“She had been allowing him to stay within the home for a couple of days, providing him food,” Mobile County Sheriff’s Office Capt. Paul Burch told WKRG. “There were bottles of urine in the room, which indicated he had been in there for a little while.”
Wait, how are we just going to gloss over that little detail there? ‘Bottles of urine in the room’ – I’m sorry, WHAT?!? She wasn’t even letting this guy use the bathroom? Just chuckin’ jars to piss in into the closet or wherever he was hiding. This guy must’ve been in some dire straits. Or, maybe she was….I don’t know. I just feel sorry for the husband in question here. That’s a hell of a turn of events to try and process. I think our biggest takeaway here is that we can never trust intruders to NOT be banging our wives and husbands. And, that’s a sad state of affairs. It’s bad enough that I’m going to have to replace the window you just broke. Don’t tell me you’ve been having a secret affair with my wife for the last five years, and you left some jars full of piss in my closet.
Roll Tide on that.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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