Tank the 401k Gambling Picks: 9/16/21

Stan, Steven, and Stoney are back for another week of American football gambling picks.

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Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football betting column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.

STAN’S PICKS

A winning week in Week 2 with a 3-2 record. 60% fucks in the gambling business. I feel like this week is where we make a push and dominate. I don’t want to jinx it, but I LOVE the plays this week.

Duke +3 – they should call this game the revenge of the nerds bowl. Duke uses home field advantage to cover.
Under 62.5 Oklahoma vs Nebraska – Although both teams score points they even more impressively do not give them up. I hate betting unders but love this play
Maryland + 7.5 – this is just a feeling, no other explanation.
Pats -5.5 – I refuse to believe the pats don’t beat the jets by 7+ anytime they play. Don’t care who they have on their team.
Raiders +5.5 – Hunter Renfrow.

Steven’s Picks

PSU -6 – James Franklin has the Nitty Lions believing they can get the job done this year. Auburn isn’t fooling me after blowout wins against Akron and Alabama St.
Pitt –14.5 – The Panthers came in to Knoxville and handed the Vols an L with much ease. Pitt has a tough second half of the season and can not afford a slip up against inferior teams.
Louisville +7 – Despite the loss to Ole Miss, I still believe they’re a better team than they showed in Atlanta. UCF will be a tough matchup for the Cardinals but I believe they cover.
Rams -3.5 – Matthew Stafford had an impressive debut for the Rams in week one and should continue against a struggling Colts team.
Saints -3.5 – As an avid Saints fan, not even I saw the Green Bay ass whooping coming. Sam Darnold looked good against his old squad but those good time feelings are coming to a crashing end on Sunday.

Stoney’s Picks

Love, love, LOVE the boys’ picks this week. I’m going to mirror Stan’s confidence after I went 4-1 last week and say I’m feeling pretty good about this week’s slate of games *knocks on wood*. I love Stan’s Maryland pick – I haven’t put ’em in the column yet this season, but I’ve put money ’em each week this season and have won. Likewise, I’m all in on Penn State this week like Steven. Auburn has been a bit of a mirage so far, and Penn State looks like a potential College Football Playoff contender if they can get ahead in the Big Ten. Alright, we’re not butt chugging any whiskey yet, so let’s keep this train rolling!

Virginia Tech +3 – This is a dangerous one, I know…rivalry game, on the road, EXPLOSIVE Mountaineers offense, a Hokies offense that struggled to get going last week. But, folks – I woke up feeling dangerous. It just comes down to that Hokies defense, a unit unlike one that West Virginia has faced this season. When in doubt, just go with the team that, plain and simply, looks better.
Alabama -14.5 – I guess this is an opportunity for me to put my money where my mouth is. Not on Alabama…but on Florida. I’ve been going in on the Gators since before the season started, saying I wouldn’t be surprised if they finished 4th in the SEC East. So, I’m going to say that this game is the first domino to fall. By the way, does Dan Mullen have a quarterback controversy in Gainesville?
Broncos -5.5 – Something about the culture in Jacksonville just doesn’t sit right with me right now. I know the Broncos are traveling essentially across the country, but that team is LOADED with talent, and Teddy Bridgewater seems to have provided a stabilizing force at quarterback. This is a playoff contender.
Cardinals -3.5 – Here’s my Week 1 hot take: the Cardinals are for real. They played a complete game against the Titans, and they’re going to make things interesting in the NFC West. I love the way that offense attacks, and the way the defense flies around.
Chiefs -3.5 – I’m selling the Ravens right now. I thought they were being a little overrated throughout the preseason, and I damn sure don’t think they’re taking down Mr. September Patrick Mahomes this week. I think the Chiefs win comfortably.

SEASON STATS

Stan last week: (3-2)
Stan’s 2021 W-L: (5-4-1) – 56%
Steven last week: (1-3-1)
Steven’s 2021 W-L: (2-5-3) – 29%
Stoney last week: (4-1)
Stoney’s 2021 W-L: (5-5) – 50%
SoBros last week: (8-6-1) – 57%
SoBros 2021 W-L: (12-14-4) – 46%

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley