It’s 9:46PM on a Friday night in Mobile, Alabama. I’m sitting here looking at a couple of Moon Pies, a pack of Reese’s footballs, some plastic medallions that are good for a $10 free play at a local casino, and an entire pack of beads. I’m wondering what in the fresh hell I just spent the last four hours of my life doing. I know the answer to that, of course – I just got back to our AirBnb from the Senior Bowl player parade and street party. But, I’m beginning to wonder if it was all a dream.
Of course, it could’ve been the six gin and tonics I had at Heroes prior to the parade. Who’s to say for sure? Our Utility Man, Steven McCash, and I have been down here in Mobile since Wednesday night covering all of the action that the weather would allow us to cover. Since today was an off day for the Senior Bowl, we thought it’d be fun to get out and about and see what downtown Mobile has to offer before hitting up a couple of the fan events later in the evening.
The afternoon started slowly. I can’t speak for Steven, but I will say that I was a little caught off guard by just how sleepy the city was this afternoon. It felt like the streets were bare at 3PM on a Friday. Bars and restaurants were closed, with signs on doors reading that they opened at 5PM. I thought, “who has heard of such a thing?” Where am I? Is this The Walking Dead? As a native of Nashville, I’m used to the smell of piss and puke permeating the downtown air at sunrise. I couldn’t fathom that any downtown area would be so quiet.
But, I kinda dug it. We had a good chance to walk around unbothered, without worrying about crowds or traffic. We stopped by the Senior Bowl HQ to take a look at the museum. Then, we snuck into a bar that was open and had a couple of drinks before we decided to head on over to Heroes – it’s just a regular ol’ sports bar downtown, but it was recommended to us by one of the Senior Bowl team members. Damn it – I’m just remembering how mad I am at myself for not remembering that guy’s name because he was super helpful in getting our press credentials, and I owe him a debt of gratitude for recommending Heroes because I ended up eating one of the best and cheesiest patty melts I’ve ever had. I also just want that man to know how much I appreciated his help.
Anyway, we sat at Heroes for several hours, but even as late as 5:30PM, with the parade set to start at 6:30PM, it felt like no one was filing in for the night. I thought we were about to be bamboozled with a sham of a parade. Then, seemingly all at once, people flooded Heroes, and they flooded the street outside.
Maybe I was drunker than I realized, but it seemed like I blinked and was suddenly surrounded by 50 people. “Okay, now we’re gettin’ somewhere,” I thought. We walked over to the adjacent square to see how the stage setup was coming along. Portugal. The Man was putting on a free show at the conclusion of the parade, and we wanted to take it all in before the square was overwhelmed with people. After that, we wanted to warm up a little bit, and my phone was down to 9%, so we ventured back to the car to sit in some heat. We ended up sitting there for about 20 minutes before it was go time.
We returned to Dauphin Street to find folks pounding beers in the street, a much more crowded place than it was just 30 minutes prior. I have no idea where these people came from – where do all the people in Mobile hide before events such as this one? Maybe they were all just a figment of my imagination.
Then, in a blur, the parade started – marching bands, women in gigantic pastel dresses that I have no idea about, floats, players throwing candy, coaches throwing beads, a replica of the big Navy ship that’s stationed here in Mobile. I wasn’t ready for the people tossing stuff, though – it’s unclear as to whether or not I was supposed to expose my breasts, but I didn’t because it was cold. Maybe that’s why I wasn’t thrown to a lot (my stat line, by the way, is six receptions on eight targets for six items).
But, some of those players were beaming people. I saw Steven get hit in the face with some streamers or something. I felt Reese’s whizzing by my head – somebody hit Steven with an entire fucking box of Moon Pies. I’m not complaining because we now have an entire box of Moon Pies, but I just don’t understand how that happened. People were throwing entire bags of beads at people instead of opening them. I have my phone out trying to snap photos and videos (because I’m a journalist, of course) and I just see all kinds of candies and beads flying over head. At one point, I remember yelling to Steven, “HEAD ON A SWIVEL! HEAD ON A SWIVEL!”
I look up and see a float heading my way with some gentlemen in New York Jets gear. The closer it gets, I realize, “holy shit that’s Robert Saleh.” They had Robert Saleh out here throwing Moon Pies! Naturally, I held my hand up for one. In an effort to impress the Jets head coach, I wanted to one-hand that thing…y’know, just in case Saleh saw me and was like “damn, we might need to give this dude a look at tight end…” He threw it….an incredibly catchable pass, by the way…and sure enough, I one-handed it. Phone in one hand. Moon Pie in the other. Unfortunately, he did not offer me a contract with the Jets.
I specifically saw Brian Robinson Jr. and Tyler Badie walking up to kids and chatting with them as they passed out candy. Those kids were over the moon once they walked away – folks, that’s what it’s all about. That’s where you see the real importance, and the real impact, of an event such as this one. I got a blurry ass Bigfoot photo of Kenny Pickett because I didn’t see him and realize it was him until it was too late. Don’t worry, guys – his tiny minuscule hands did not seem to impact his ability to hold a bag of candy. Though, I will mention that he didn’t throw any candy. Perhaps he saw my camera, recognized me as a journalist, and didn’t want to risk putting some bad tape on the internet after such an important week.
I threw together some of my favorite photos from this event on an Instagram post embedded below.
And, just like that, it was all over and everyone moved down to Cathedral Square to see Portugal. The Man. They opened up with the intro to Metallica’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls,” and honestly, it ruled. That’s about all we saw from them though – as we are old men, and we were cold. So, we ventured back here to relax a bit and wind down. I know the fan events aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but they really do mean a lot to the community. And, it was a blast to show up to drunk and just sit and watch everyone have fun. If you’re in town and not covering stuff like this, you’re missing out.
Mobile has been a quiet city in our experience so far, but man did it become a chaotic, energetic, and fun scene in a hurry. As the dust settled on the parade, Steven looked over at me, both of us smiling, adrenaline pumping, and he said, “that felt like a fever dream.” Indeed, it did. What was in those six gin and tonics I drank before going to this thing?
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Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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