Gather ’round, folks. This is what you come to SoBros Network for…thoughtful analysis and journalism of the highest integrity. I would never write anything shitty and meaningless on this website, and for that, I know we’ve earned your trust throughout the years as a beacon of thought-provoking wordsmanship. I think I just made up that word, but that’s how big our brains are around here. Anyway, I got to thinking about the best names on the Tennessee Titans the other day, and I swear I wasn’t drunk or high, but I wondered, “who wouldn’t you want to get into a legitimate fist fight with based on their name alone?” And, here we are. In this scholarly essay, I will be examining who, on the current Titans roster, has the toughest name.
The 5 Hardest Names on the Titans Roster
5. Julius Chestnut – This is the most Kingpin-est sounding name on the Titans roster. ‘Julius Chestnut’ and ‘Wilson Fisk’ might as well be the same name and I don’t know how to explain it, but I just know it makes sense. If you fuck with Julius Chestnut, then Julius Chestnut is going to break your kneecaps.
4. Trenton Cannon – If your last name is a literal weapon, you get automatic placement on this list. Those are the rules.
3. Tommy Hudson – ‘Tommy Hudson’ just sounds like the guy that never left your hometown. Any time you go back home to visit, you’ll find him fighting off crowds at the bar. Everyone you know has a famous ‘Tommy Hudson’ story about a time when Tommy Hudson just beat the absolute dog shit out of someone. Subsequently, no one is going to call out Tommy Hudson for never leaving your hometown because you all know that if you did, Tommy Hudson would kick your ass. That’s what I picture when I hear the name ‘Tommy Hudson’ anyway.
2. Robert Woods – You can’t tell me that someone whose nickname is “Bobby Trees” doesn’t sound like a mafia boss that will clip your ass and put you in the bottom of the ocean if you cross him.
1. Ben Jones – Even without seeing Ben Jones, “Ben Jones” just sounds like a brick wall. It might be the sturdiest name in the entire NFL, I don’t know. That might be something we need to ask Commissioner Goodell. ‘Ben Jones’ is the quintessential name of a man who is not to be trifled with. You would have better luck trying to fight a literal bear than you would Ben Jones.
What do you think, Titans fans? Is this topic up for debate? Would you like to nominate your own submission for the hardest name on the Titans roster? Please feel free to comment below.
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Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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