Arm Boxing: Let’s Chain Ourselves to a Table and Fight

I think I'm moving to Russia to become an arm boxing champion.

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I know that the sport of boxing isn’t quite what it used to be in terms of its place in the grand pantheon of sports in the United States. But, I think there’s something going on over in Russia that could lead to a resurgence of the sport here in the States. Big Boxing….if you’re reading this post, you might want to take some notes on arm boxing, the latest sensation sweeping the nation!

I kind of love this move, honestly. It reminds me of being super bored with my friends when I was a kid and just completely making up random games. Or, this is like my bachelor party party earlier this year, when we drank beer and set up a “putt-putt” course of red solo cups around the cabin and threw our bottle caps in them. That’s the spirit, y’know? I think there’s a certain level of creativity that is worthy of our praise in doing something like this.

But, it’s Russia – so of course this involves turning up the violence a bit. We can’t just have people pitching bottle caps into solo cups. We have to literally chain them to a table, and then we’re also going to bind one of each participant’s hands to the one of his opponent’s hands so that they are pretty much glued together and can’t escape one another. Then, we’re just going to ask them to start firing off haymakers until someone can’t get up. I know that sounds barbaric, but at the very least, we can say that this sport is about as pure as sport comes. I don’t know how much strategy is involved with arm boxing….seems pretty straightforward. It is a test of pure physical strength and pure stamina. Personally, I can’t help but respect it, and I’m currently thinking of ways we can set this up at the SoBros Network Content Retreat next week.

Also, in case I go missing all of a sudden, you know where to look since I criticized Russia for being hyper violent. TGIF.

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Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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