Welp – I can already see the “how high were you when you wrote this?” tweets coming at me for this one. I almost made this post one of my Forgotten Treasures of Americana pieces because I saw some young folks arguing on Twitter about who or what Catdog was and I thought I might have to remind the world of just how influential Catdog was to the modern era of Nickelodeon. Then, I thought, “Stoney, you don’t know a fucking thing about the modern era of Nickelodeon – why would you even remotely think you were qualified to write a piece about it?” That’s just how deeply my love for Catdog runs. I feel compelled to defend it at every chance I get. In my opinion, that was the heyday of Nicktoons. You just couldn’t beat coming home from school and firing up that block of shows until dinner time.
Catdog was great, but there’s no doubt about it – it defied the laws of physics. At least with Spongebob Squarepants, you could theoretically buy that some subterranean culture exists between creatures that we can’t understand. Even with Rugrats, you can buy the theory that the entire series is just the ravings of a completely insane person, and it’s all happening in Angelica’s head (or whatever that theory was). But, what I can’t buy is Catdog existing without an apparent butthole to dispose of its waste.
This is what we have to do here at SoBros Network – we have to ask questions that no one else will ask…the stuff that Big Media isn’t allowed to ask because their investors and politicians who own them will get mad. But, this is independent media – ain’t nobody bossin’ us around! We’re not going to let life’s biggest mysteries go unsolved all because someone was afraid to ask Nickelodeon where the fuck Catdog’s butthole was!
I’ve grown up my entire life not questioning it, but now that I have a fully developed brain at 36 years old, I think we have to ask this question to give closure to an entire generation that was totally confused by this cartoon. I guess this post wasn’t really exploring how Catdog poops, but it was more of a declaration that I would spend the rest of my journalism career seeking the answer to this question. I might even write an entire book about it one day. Also, now that I’ve rocked your world with some amazing food for thought, I would like to point out before I go that Catdog had one of the best, most low key banger, theme songs of all the Nicktoons.
I hope some venture capitalist comes across this post when researching SoBros Network today. I’ve had some nibbles in the past, and I always wonder if these supposed investors actually read what’s on this site, because why would you read something like this and think, “this is the company we need to back?” I don’t know, but I’m picturing it and I’m laughing hysterically at it. SoBros Network will never be bought and put to work as long as we’re writing about Catdog’s butthole. It’s no wonder no one’s tried to hire me (for real) yet. For every thousand-word opinion piece or Titans film breakdown I’ve done, there’s three “how did Catdog poop?” posts on this site.
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Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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