Predictions are stupid. Deep down, surely we all know that, right? So, if you’re going to participate in the bat shit crazy guessing game that is preseason predictions, why not go balls to the wall? That’s what I’m doing here today. Why stop at a simple Super Bowl prediction? I’m going to go ahead and pick every single fucking game of the 2022 NFL season right here and now. My process? Well, it’s simple – I look at the schedule and I pick the games as I sit here on September 7th. Sounds dumb? Well, guess what – I’ve called two of the last three Super Bowl champs doing this silly column, so I guess it’s just as plausible as analytical deep dives. You’ll find the results of this highly scientific experiment below. And, if you want to know how I did last year, check out my accountability post here.
AFC East
- Buffalo Bills (11-6)*
- Miami Dolphins (9-8)
- New England Patriots (8-9)
- New York Jets (3-14)
AFC North
- Baltimore Ravens (10-7)*
- Pittsburgh Steelers (9-8)
- Cincinnati Bengals (8-9)
- Cleveland Browns (5-12)
AFC South
- Tennessee Titans (10-7)*
- Houston Texans (8-9)
- Indianapolis Colts (8-9)
- Jacksonville Jaguars (7-10)
AFC West
- Kansas City Chiefs (12-5)*
- Los Angeles Chargers (10-7)*
- Denver Broncos (10-7)*
- Las Vegas Raiders (9-8)*
NFC East
- Philadelphia Eagles (11-6)*
- Dallas Cowboys (10-7)*
- New York Giants (7-10)
- Washington Commanders (3-14)
NFC North
- Green Bay Packers (14-3)*
- Minnesota Vikings (9-8)
- Detroit Lions (9-8)
- Chicago Bears (8-9)
NFC South
- Tampa Bay Buccaneers (12-5)*
- New Orleans Saints (10-7)*
- Carolina Panthers (5-12)
- Atlanta Falcons (4-13)
NFC West
- Los Angeles Rams (12-5)*
- San Francisco 49ers (10-7)*
- Arizona Cardinals (9-8)
- Seattle Seahawks (2-15)
Wild Card
(2) Buffalo Bills def. (7) Las Vegas Raiders
(6) Denver Broncos def. (3) Baltimore Ravens
(4) Tennessee Titans def. (5) Los Angeles Chargers
(2) Los Angeles Rams def. (7) New Orleans Saints
(3) Tampa Bay Buccaneers def. (6) Dallas Cowboys
(4) Philadelphia Eagles def. (5) San Francisco 49ers
Divisional Round
(1) Kansas City Chiefs def. (6) Denver Broncos
(4) Tennessee Titans def. (2) Buffalo Bills
(1) Green Bay Packers def. (4) Philadelphia Eagles
(2) Los Angeles Rams def. (3) Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Conference Championships
(1) Kansas City Chiefs def. (4) Tennessee Titans
(1) Green Bay Packers def. (2) Los Angeles Rams
Super Bowl: Green Bay Packers def. Kansas City Chiefs
Draft Order
- Seattle Seahawks
- New York Jets
- Washington Commanders
- Atlanta Falcons
- Cleveland Browns
MVP Prediction: Aaron Rodgers until he proves otherwise
Coach of the Year: Andy Reid
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Dameon Pierce
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Roger McCreary
Observations
*Year in and year out we seem to question the pieces the Packers have in the passing game, and all they seem to do is shove our faces in it. I’m not buying it this year! Nope – I’ve smartened up to the game they’re playing in Green Bay, and I think this is the year that Rodgers and Matt LaFleur put it all together.
*Four teams from the AFC West making the playoffs? That feels fuckin’ stupid. But, shit – look around the AFC….who else would you put in instead? The Colts? The Steelers? The Dolphins? I know some of y’all are not buying the Broncos, but that was a Super Bowl roster that was just a quarterback away a season ago…and guess what they got this offseason. People are calling for a regression from the Chiefs, but they still have Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce. And, I think we’re really going to see the value of what Andy Reid provides as the head coach this season. It’s about experience and consistency to me, and the Chiefs still have that above everyone else in the AFC West.
*You could ask a toddler who’s going to win the Super Bowl this year, and they’d say “Buffalo.” At this point, it just feels like so many people are regurgitating information with the Bills. I like them a lot, but shit y’all….let’s not act like they’re perfect. They may be the most complete team in the AFC heading into the season from a talent perspective, and I’ve long been a champion of Sean McDermott and his staff being criminally underrated in the grand landscape of the NFL, but come on….they have some question marks, and they have something to prove still. We’re going to have to see how that offense performs in life after Brian Daboll.
*I picked against the Bengals in every game of the postseason last year, and I’m just going to keep on being a hater.
*My hot take all summer has been that the AFC South is going to be a lot more competitive than people realize, but as the schedule shakes down, I just don’t see any team but the division winner making the playoffs. Pierce getting OROTY is a nice consolation prize for the Texans though, and I think he’ll get the volume to produce a great stat line.
*The Dolphins, Patriots, Texans, Steelers, Lions, Colts, and Vikings all fall into the category of “could make the playoff race very interesting” to me.
*The Bears, Giants, Jags, and Falcons all fall into the category of “will start to show signs of life and improvement this season, but it’ll be too little too late for 2022 when they do” to me.
*If you had asked me before doing this piece who the worst team in the NFL would be this season, I would’ve said the New York Jets, but between how the schedule looks for the Seahawks and the fact that their current quarterback options are Geno Smith and Drew Lock, they take the cake. *I think the Browns are really going to struggle without Deshaun Watson, and by the time he comes back, there won’t be much time to knock the rust off. The Commanders weren’t even really on my radar because they have a great defensive front and some interesting young pieces on offense to build around. But, it kind of feels like they’re heading towards a rebuild at the quarterback position. I know Carson Wentz wasn’t nearly as bad as everyone makes him out to be last year, but I think the NFC is going to be a minefield this season, and I just so happened to look up and notice I didn’t give the Commanders too many wins. *shrugs*
*Before you grill me about my ROTY picks, I would like to say that I’m not very high on this rookie class making an immediate impact. I would’ve like Kayvon Thibodeaux in that DROTY spot, but he’s already facing injury concerns. McCreary is going to get a chance to play right away, he’s a polished corner already, and he’s playing on a defense that should be good enough to make him look better even if he struggles early on. On offense and defense, there are a ton of project rookies that I don’t believe we’ll really see reach their potential until 2023 and beyond (if you didn’t keep up with my draft coverage, I’m not as high on Aidan Hutchinson as “y’all” are).
As usual, post your dumb predictions or tell me what a moron I am in the comments below. Happy NFL season, everyone!
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Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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