Telling Me Not to Cook Chicken in NyQuil Makes Me Want to Cook Chicken in NyQuil

Honestly, just leave the NyQuil chicken alone and it'll probably just go away on its own...

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I could live for a million years, and I don’t think it ever once would’ve crossed my mind to cook my chicken in NyQuil. Now…I love NyQuil. Probably too much. At one point in my life, I might’ve even become addicted to NyQuil. I was really sick at one point in college – like…strep throat and bronchitis at the same time kind of sick. I was having trouble sleeping because of all the symptoms, and I found that NyQuil was the one thing that would genuinely knock me out. So, I just took it every night before bed, and then once my illness cleared up, I just…like….kept taking it. I probably took twice the recommended dose of NyQuil every night for a month straight before I finally acknowledged that this is probably a problem. I hope my mother isn’t reading this post.

Nonetheless, even with all of the love I have in my heart for this wonderful product, I cannot even remotely fathom the idea that one would want to cook their fantastic chicken dinner in a pot full of it. But, apparently, that’s the latest social media trend sweeping the nation. Also, how much a fucking old guy am I? Getting my news on social media trends from CNN, ffs…

Courtesy of CNN:

One recent challenge posted on social media encouraged people to cook chicken in a mixture of acetaminophen, dextromethorphan and doxylamine — the basic ingredients of NyQuil and some similar over-the-counter cough and cold products.

Listen, you can’t tell me NOT to do something and then expect me to not want to try it at least a little bit. That’s just not how I’m wired. It’s a terrible trait to have, don’t get me wrong – I hate being told what to do, so I’m naturally inclined to rebel against whatever it is you’re telling me not to do. It makes no sense – NyQuil in chicken sounds incredibly disgusting and detrimental to my health, and now I want to do it. Thanks, FDA! Now, I’m going to have this thought in my head for the rest of the week. I might not even be able to get rid of it until the next insane social media trend comes along. What’s next? Time to stuff beads in my ass? Oh, that’s already a thing… What’s next? Lubing my johnson up with Lysol? Spraying pepper spray down my tip? Sorry. I didn’t mean to get into the grotesque body horror here. I don’t know what my brain always gravitates towards my dick.

Anyway, the point remains that this is a tale as old as time – you tell me not to do something, and it makes it all the more tantalizing to try it. It doesn’t matter how dangerous, disgusting, or delusional it is. I’m going to do it, and my wife is going to be SUPER pissed when she gets home later today and asks me what we’re going to have for dinner.

Also, shout out to me for throwing an old bottle of NyQuil on a pile of my dirty gym clothes and taking a photo instead of just using the SoBros logo photo on this article. That’s what we call JOURNALISM.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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