We flipped our calendars to September a week ago. Though the weather isn’t exactly cooperating, I am personally willing fall into existence by decorating the house with pumpkins and burning some quality autumn Yankee Candles. I haven’t yet gone to the extreme of hollowing out a gigantic pumpkin and floating 38 miles down the Cumberland River – but, I’ll tell ya what…I’m pretty close to it. Especially after reading the story of Duane Hansen and his journey down the Missouri River in a massive pumpkin, I am feeling particularly inspired to try this out myself.
Courtesy of a Facebook post from the City of Bellevue, Nebraska:
On Thursday morning right after 8 AM, Duane Hansen from Syracuse, Nebraska stopped in to the Mayor’s office and asked if a couple of people from Bellevue City Hall would serve as official witnesses for his effort to be recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records. Lisa Rybar and myself agreed to take on this task which we were originally thought was to float a 800 pound pumpkin for over 30 miles down the river. It wasn’t until later in the conversation that we realized that Mr. Hansen would actually be riding in the pumpkin on this journey.
Highly suggest you hit the Facebook post, read the details, scroll through the photos, and browse the comments as the community cheered this man on. Nothing but respect for Mr. Hansen here – he is an icon of pumpkin celebrations….The Pumpkin King, if you will. I hope he is officially knighted because of this. He hopped in that pumpkin in Bellevue, Nebraska at 7AM that fateful morning, and he hopped out of that pumpkin in Nebraska City at 6:30PM. It should be in the Guinness Book of World Records, but I can’t find that it’s officially been confirmed by them. Nonetheless, traveling 38 miles down a river in a pumpkin is a world record in my eyes, Guinness or not.
This is how my brain works, though. I read this wonderful story and then I immediately think I want to try it. I’ll dress like a scarecrow, put some Ciderhouse (by Yankee Candle) in the pumpkin with me, and I’ll throw fistfuls of candy corn to all as I pass by. This should be the new Autumn welcoming ceremony. It’s not officially fall until each community’s Pumpkin King sails the local river. I love that idea, but see, my problem is that I’m a big sumbitch. I’m 6’2″ and 276 pounds…finding a pumpkin big enough not only to house me, but to hold up under my weight will be tricky. Now that I’m talking about this out loud, I don’t think it’s such a good idea for me to try this. I know full and well that if I jump in a hollowed-out pumpkin on a body of water, I’m sinking that thing to the bottom with me probably inside of it. It’s a nice thought, but I’m going to have to leave the pumpkin sailing to Mr. Hansen.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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