There’s a little bit of Chris fatigue at the movies. Maybe not necessarily ‘fatigue’ if we talk to our wives about it. But, it’s hard to keep up with what all of the Chrises are doing these days because there’s so many of them. That’s, in my opinion, due in large part to the Marvel Cinematic Universe trotting out a different Chris in every franchise with hundreds of millions of people watching each one. Chris Evans is Captain America. Chris Hemsworth is Thor. Chris Pratt is Starlord. You get the idea. So, while Chris Pine hasn’t yet been chewed up by the Marvel machine (yet), we lose sight of his valuable contributions to the larger work of Chrises in Hollywood.
The thought crossed my mind after my wife and I decided to fire up Don’t Worry Darling on HBO Max a few Friday night date nights ago. It was an interesting premise, sure…and I’m not sure the movie deserves the vitriol it gets online, but man, I found it to be incredibly long-winded and more of a stylistic art piece than a compelling story. Pointed commentary? Sure – got it. Felt it. But, get me there a little bit quicker. Nonetheless, my wife and I were talking about it with our resident film critic, Brandon Vick, after we watched it, and he said it best: “Florence Pugh and Chris Pine seemed like the only ones trying.”
It got me thinking about how good Pine is, even in movies that aren’t largely all that great. He rarely, if ever, phones it in. It never feels like Chris Pine is playing Chris Pine in a role. So, that expanded into a conversation about how Pine is overlooked among movie fans, and part of that could be because there are too damn many famous Chrises in the game right now. Despite getting the least amount of hype, I think Pine is actually the best of the bunch. Let’s rank ’em:
4. Chris Pratt – Points for playing Mario. That movie actually looks sick and I don’t care what anyone says, but Pratt’s filmography is littered with duds. Starlord is probably his best role, but I still love me some Andy from Parks and Rec. The Tomorrow War was awful. The Jurassic World movies were bleh. Pratt gets credit for capitalizing on his brand and gettin’ the bag, but the man ain’t winnin’ any Oscars any time soon.
3. Chris Evans – Evans plays Captain America pretty damn well, and I don’t want to detract from that. He has a few hidden gems in his filmography, and I truly believe that as he gets away from the Marvel machine for a bit, he’ll put some good shit out there. My favorite Chris Evans is Knives Out Chris Evans.
2. Chris Hemsworth – Hemsworth knows the value of his brand and he definitely leans into the cheeky action roles. But, he’s got some good stuff in his filmography too in Rush and Bad Times at the El Royale. He’s really the only Chris that made me pause and think about it a little more when I was mapping out these Chris power rankings.
1. Chris Pine – No other Chris has a Hell or High Water on their resumé, so if we’re getting down to brass tacks, that pretty much gives him the Chris throne in my book. Even in shit that is not good, Pine is a highlight (see: Don’t Worry Darling). He has plenty of fun stuff in his filmography like the other Chrises, but it also seems that he’s either willing to take more chances, or he’s allowed to take more chances because he’s not locked down by a Marvel contract. I don’t know. But, he has some challenging stuff in his catalog. He has some different stuff in his catalog. He’s shown a bit more range than the other Chrises, all in all.
I don’t know why I wrote this, honestly. I just feel like Chris Pine deserves a little more of our respect, but he’s probably like the fourth Chris we think about when we start talking Chrises…which I know everyone does when they get together with their friends on the weekends. Thanks, Marvel.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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