Folks, They Got Ghost Hookers in Texas Now

Excuse me they are stroking what, now?

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We are just a couple weeks off the heels of talkin’ about some ghost tiddies on our “Drinking With…Thir13en Ghostslive stream. Today, we’re going full bore by talking about some ghost hookers. I don’t know when ghosts became so sensual and sexual, but there’s a story that just about damn well blew my mind (among other things) out of the Lone Star State to get to this morning. Apparently, folks are being haunted by ghosts that are being a certain kind of nice at a rental home in Gainesville, Texas…

Courtesy of Fox News:

The most common type of ghost that comes around are “hookers,” Hill claimed. Male renters, she said, have told her they have felt somebody stroking their face, stroking their arm or touching their shoulder. 

What a story! You know some guy has probably gotten a handjob and doesn’t want to admit it. “Uh…yeah…felt it stroking my, uh, my…shoulder!” I would wear it proudly – give me the t-shirt now, “I went to Gainesville and all I got was jerked off by a ghost.” But, I feel like most people probably wouldn’t want folks to know that they stooped to that low, so they have to play it normal, y’know? There’s also probably a certain class of people who would pay big money to experience this sort of thing. Doesn’t this sound like some eccentric billionaire bullshit? Jeff Bezos, after conquering space, would absolutely pay to have sex with a ghost.

But, how do they know these ghosts are hookers and not just diabolically horny? We’re making some assumptions here that feel a little sexist. Woman ghost gently touching a guest’s face? Must be a hooker! I don’t mean to turn this fun story serious, but I’d just ask that we maybe slow down and acknowledge that not all human interaction implies sexual desire. Maybe these ghosts are just lonely. Maybe, like I said, they’re just diabolically horny and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I mean, yeah – consent is weird across the otherworldly plane. I’d appreciate it if you at least ask before you touch me. But, let’s not cast names with hateful connotations at things we don’t understand just because we’re prudes either.

Now, I think there are some other important questions to ask when it comes to the implications of this story. One, is it cheating if it’s with a ghost? For another, can you press charges against a ghost if it assaults you? I fully expected to wake up and see this story blasted all across my television because of all the implications. But, not even Good Morning America is reporting on it. I don’t get it. Ghosts can fuck now, folks, and that’s a massive story. This is a whole new world.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.

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