The SoBros Mailbag 225: Beer Pairings and the Ideal Winter Day

It's lunch time on a Friday. The SoBros Mailbag is here.

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Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter, email ’em to me anonymously at thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com. And, holy shit, I need to update this terrible intro paragraph that I’ve been using literally ever since I started writing this column…

Question, from Dom via text message:

In the spirit of ‘wine pairing’, beer pair the following:

Lays Classic
Funyuns
Doritos Cool Ranch
Flamin Hot Cheetos
Garden Vegetable SunChips
Pizza Pringles
Zapp’s Voodoo
Chester’s Puffcorn

Answer:

I love this question even though I have no fucking clue what I’m doing here. I’m terrible with any sort of pairing because I have the palate

  • Lay’s Classic – Pilsner…two basic, plain flavor profiles, tried and true as tested together by full-blooded Americans for decades.
  • Funyuns – Stout…I can’t explain it, but I just feel like this would be a great snack.
  • Doritos Cool Ranch – Bock…something a little more bitter to balance out the tang.
  • Flamin’ Hot Cheetos – Shandy…something highly drinkable to balance the heat.
  • Garden Vegetable SunChips – Hefeweizen….grains on grains.
  • Pizza Pringles – Irish red…give me just the slightest bit of sweetness to balance out the zest.
  • Zapp’s Voodoo – IPA…a complex flavor profile to go with a complex flavor profile.
  • Chester’s Puffcorn – Give me a brown ale on this one…something rich and hearty to go with a rich and heart snack.

Question:

Answer:

He absolutely loves this time of year because of the Christmas trees. I don’t get it – he just gnaws on the shit! My theory is that it feels good….like brushing your teeth after you ate an entire box of Dots, y’know? And yes, the tree was up for a solid 10 minutes before he was up in the window fucking with it.

Question:

Answer:

So glad you asked me this question, because the “ideal winter day” is one of the greatest natural experiences in the world. I’ve been fortunate to have TWO ideal winter days since I moved into my house in January of 2021.

Up first, let’s talk about the conditions – I want it to be snowing all day if possible. Dreary, overcast…that type of thing. I want to watch the snow gently accumulate right outside my living room window. I’m going to start a fire (in the fireplace, of course). I’m going to throw a hearty meal – some beef stew, chili, maybe even a Mississippi pot roast or some cabbage and sausage – into the Crockpot. Then, I’m going to light some candles, and sit in my recliner and read an entire book in a day. At night, we’ll make some hot chocolate and watch a cold weather movie like The Hateful Eight or The Revenant. I’ll get a peaceful night’s sleep. That’s it – I’m not hard to please.

Question, from Jesse on Twitter:

White or multicolor lights on the Christmas tree?

Answer:

I love multicolor lights – something about them is just old fashioned, and I love that nostalgia this time of year. The multicolor lights look more traditional to me. It’s what we always had on the tree when I was growing up, so it reminds me of simpler times, for sure.

Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.

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