Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football betting column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.
STEVEN’S PICKS
It’s apparent I used the wrong pointy finger to make my picks last week as I went 2-3 overall. Let’s see what happens when I use my third ‘pointy finger.’
- LSU -3.5
- Tennessee -20.5
- UNC +3.5
- TCU +7
- Titans -2.5
STONEY’S PICKS
Alright – 4-1, baby! We’re back above .500 after a terrible stretch earlier this season. It just goes to show you that the only way to dig yourself out of a hole is to keep digging! Solid life advice. Solid financial advice. What could possibly go wrong? I hope I’ve adequately expressed how sarcastic that is, but if not, my lawyers would appreciate me making that clear. On to this week’s picks.
- Oregon -13.5 – I love the match-ups in this one. Washington is coming back down to Earth a little bit, while the Ducks are on a warpath with renewed hopes of a playoff berth. They’re at home. Bo Nix is playing out of his gourd. They’re going to push the Huskies around and score at will.
- Louisville +7 – I’ve come around on the Cardinals. I like the way they’re playing defense and how that matches up against a struggling Clemson quarterback situation. I like the way they run the ball after seeing how Notre Dame ran the ball a week ago. I’m feelin’ a little dangerous on this one – let’s back the Cardinals on the road here. Fuck it!
- Troy -9.5 – Troy has the bodies up front to stop the triple option Army runs if they’re up to the task. That’s going to be the key, and I’m siding with Troy right now. Army has a great pass defense in terms of yardage allowed, but when you look at how they’ve fared against other elite offenses, they’ve allowed some scores. They allowed an average of 2.67 touchdown passes per game against Coastal Carolina, UTSA, and Wake Forest. Those touchdowns averaged out to 16.25 yards. So, they may not give up the big play, but Troy has the passing game to make them pay in that red zone deficiency. I like the Trojans 17-6 in this spot.
- Dolphins -3.5 – I know the Browns have a strong run game, a good pass rush, and are coming off of the bye, but I still think this is a bad time to catch Miami. Last week showed that a strong run game against the Dolphins didn’t really matter in the end. The Dolphins have so many weapons at their disposal in the open field, they’ll be able to get the ball out quickly and negate that Browns pass rush, and they have the benefit of making the Browns travel to them for this game. I don’t see the Browns offense having the firepower to keep up in this one.
- Commanders @ Eagles, UNDER 44 – I don’t like that 11-point spread because I could see this pretty easily turning into one of those games where the Eagles get up 10 and just sit on it the entire game. The Commanders’ shaky offense is going to have a hard time moving the ball on this Eagles defense. So, there’s no better way for me to express my sentiment on this game than by saying the Eagles actually could win this one 10-0.
SEASON STATS
- Steven last week: (2-3)
- Steven’s 2021 W-L: (24-29) – 45.3%
- Stoney last week: (4-1)
- Stoney’s 2022 W-L: (27-26-1) – 50.9%
- SoBros last week: (6-4) – 60%
- SoBros 2022 W-L: (51-55-1) – 48.1%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
Subscribe to the SoBros Network Patreon here – $5/month gets you instant access to an exhaustive content library of articles, podcasts, and videos created exclusively for our subscribers!
