Tim McGraw Making Beignets Is Unnecessarily Sexy

I just want Tim McGraw to make me some beignets some time.

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I’m going to be transparent with you guys right off the bat. I might not be the best person to write this incredibly gripping and important piece of journalism. I might be a little biased here to be completely honest. I know this charming video of Tim McGraw making beignets and showing off his lavish kitchen has been making the rounds on social media and the lifestyle blogs. Since it is hardcore news, I figure someone needs to cover it on SoBros Network, too. But, I have found over time that I actually resent McGraw for the heat check he brings to every single thing he does.

Is it rooted in jealousy? Yes. I have no trouble admitting that. I once saw this man fly in on a helicopter, hop right off the thing and walk up on stage, perform a set, and get right back on the helicopter and head back home. He was also doing fucking pistol squats on stage! Pistol squats! Way to rub it in my face that I will never be as fit as you, Tim. If I tried to do a pistol squat today, I’d shred both ligaments in my knee, shit my pants, and put a hole in the floor. Not to mention, look at The Blind Side. No man should be that handsome at his age. Tim McGraw sets an impossible standard for the rest of us to live up to. So, yeah – excuse me if I’m a little less than eager to cover this story. Nonetheless, I am a professional, and this is what I do. So, here – enjoy this video of Tim McGraw making beignets.

I just want to start by saying I howled at just how thirsty some of the comments on this post were. There is definitely Tim McGraw lust in the air. And, really – I don’t know how to explain it. I just know this video is sexual somehow. Maybe it’s just that whole thing where if a sexy person does something, it’s sexy. If I’m making beignets, people are shuddering in dark corners of their rooms. People are gasping like the first time they discover Shrek in the swamp. But, Mr. McGraw here does it and suddenly it’s comforting, and everyone is picturing him making them beignets in the morning. I really didn’t mean for my deeply-rooted jealousy of Tim McGraw to really take command of this story today, but here we are. This might be something I need to bring up with my therapist.

I don’t know how to resolve this – maybe we start a coalition to make him less desirable. Let those teeth yellow a bit big homie. Eat a cheeseburger every day and let that dadbod settle in. Just narrow the gap between us normal guys who look like shit and can’t cook beignets for our families because we’re useless at breakfast and guys like you. Also, Tim, if you’re reading this, your beignets look absolutely delicious.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.

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