I know all of the crazy shit that we’ve been writing into science fiction over the last hundred years and longer is eventually going to bleed into real life. It’s just a natural progression – I get it. So many actual inventions draw their inspiration from the constructs of storytelling history. It only makes sense that we’d eventually get a chip that you’d be able to implant into your brain that would allow you to communicate with the rest of the hardwired world. Before long, we’re all going to be directly tied into the internet of things as just another thing, NBD.
Super popular and not-at-all-divisive intellectual pioneer and unparalleled visionary in all of human history Elon Musk has been working on these brain implants with his company, Neuralink, for years. And, while on the surface, it sounds like some pretty strange fiction, it actually has some really helpful and amazing applications in medical practice. These things might allow deaf people to “hear,” and blind people to “see.” It can help with a variety of issues, and that’s pretty cool. I highly recommend taking the time to deep dive into this piece from Business Insider for all of the details. It’s fascinating.
But, the logical next step is commercial use for any ol’ Jimmy or Joe like you and me to plant one of these suckers in our brain so that we can turn off the lights just by blinking at them. I don’t know that that is exactly how it works, but you get my point. And, to me, that’s where things get pretty hairy. But, it’s not going to stop. To quote Gandalf, “things are already in motion that cannot be undone.” So, that piece from Business Insider brings up how these things can actually affect your personality…which seems kind of problematic, but I’m sure it’ll be fine and we’ll just work out all the kinks throughout the human trial process. Anyway, some of the things I found of interest that using one of these brain chips can cause:
- Not recognizing oneself
- A lady thought she could lift a pool table on her own
- Decision paralysis (can’t choose anything without consulting your brain)
- Privacy concerns (if someone hacks your brain)
Do you know how mad I would be if I thought I could lift a pool table only to find out I couldn’t? Shit, my dumb meathead brain already thinks like that. “Sure, I can pick up this entire sofa. I am a big strong boy.” Then, minutes later, I’ve pulled my back and have to be on bed rest for the next week. Maybe I already have a chip in my brain and just don’t know it? *gasp*
I’d also be pretty angry if I started losing the ability to recognize myself and feeling detached from who I once was as a person. I wouldn’t want to feel like I couldn’t do anything without seeing what my brain chip analyzes as the best decision. And, I would be pretty bummed if someone hacked my brain and had me tap-dancing on the roof. Again, I’m not 100% sure how any of this works, but I’m just imagining hackers taking us over like puppets. Jim Henson would have a field day with this technology.
All in all, there’s a long way to go before you can just mosey on down to Target and pick up a brain chip. Maybe they could start with something that doesn’t require surgery…maybe a suppository or something. I don’t know, I’m just spitballing here because I also have a big tech brain. But, these tech visionaries come out and say some wild shit like we’re going to have Mars colonized by Sunday afternoon, and the roads will be buzzing with driverless cars by 2023. They don’t realize how slowly governments move because they’re full of old people that don’t understand new technology. I wouldn’t hold my breath for something like this is all I’m saying – we’re just now getting to the “oh shit, these things actually work so what about potential ethical concerns?” portion of the drill.
PS. I can’t tell you how many times I accidentally typed “brain chimps” throughout this article and had to correct it. That has to be some sort of Freudian slip or Planet of the Apes reference that my brain is subconsciously making. I am terrified by the idea of those smart and powerful apes taking over my brain.
Photo by Milad Fakurian on Unsplash
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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