I love Tanger Outlets. I’m absolutely freaking out about Tanger Outlets coming to Nashville, and I’m a bit bothered by the lack of general enthusiasm about Tanger Outlets coming to Nashville among my social circle. I try to bring it up in conversation at least once a week, and let me tell you, folks….that energy is most certainly NOT being matched. Nonetheless, The Tennessean did some fine reporting on Tanger Outlets earlier this week, and I didn’t even realize that this bad boy was set to open THIS fall. Holy shit! Sound the alarm! It’s happening! IT’S HAPPENING!
Do you guys know what this means for Nashville? I’m not reporting this as fact. This is just pure speculation based solely on my life experience. I’ve only ever seen Tanger Outlets in Pigeon Forge, some small town in the mountains down in north Georgia (I think), and somewhere down in Florida near the ocean (I think). To me, they only build Tanger Outlets next to mountains or the ocean. So, where do we end up if we follow this line of deductive reasons?
They’re going to build mountains in Antioch soon. The addition of Tanger Outlets in Antioch is very obviously the precursor to us getting mountains nearby. That’s why I made the featured image for this article a photo of the Smoky Mountains from Gatlinburg. It was totally not that I actually own the photo at all. I’m not officially reporting this – it’s just me reading the tea leaves…errrrr….I guess more accurately, this is me going Rust-Cohle-in-a-storage-unit-from-True-Detective-Season-1 on y’all. But, Tanger Outlets has obviously cornered the market on outlet stores in vacation towns, so it only makes sense to draw the conclusion that mountains are on the way.
Why mountains? Well, shit y’all….they can’t build an ocean in Antioch! I can’t wait until I can drive just 20 minutes down the road to enjoy the comfort of the New Smoky Antioch Mountains. And before you ask, I only had one IPA and a five-pound Belgian chocolate milkshake from Haagen Dasz before writing this. I’m not even drunk.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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