I was first introduced to Costco about a year or so ago. I’ve never been a member. Prior to joining last year, or a couple of years ago…shit, I don’t remember…my only exposure to the Costco brand was when one of my friends brought about 40 Costco beers to a party and we all hammered ’em. It was always something I had seen in the periphery of my life as something that I understood was generally cool, but it never really sank in just how cool it was until I went for the first time. Thankfully, my wife got a membership through her work at the time, and when we made that first trip, it changed my life forever.
I now know why so many people frequent this place. It’s a store you can truly get lost in. There’s no real right way to do it, but from where I sit, the right way to do it would be to go when you have absolutely nowhere else to be and have approximately eight hours on your schedule cleared. Also, go hungry so that you can try a million samples, eat a cheap hot dog, and then buy a bunch of food that you wouldn’t otherwise let yourself buy because you don’t really need it but you’re hungry. You will thank me later – trust me.
I don’t know if you guys know this about Costco, but you can buy literally anything there, and you can buy it in large enough quantities that you won’t have to buy it again for six months. Ever since we moved into our new house out here in Mount Juliet, I have become quite the homebody. Seriously, I think I leave the house maybe twice a week. So, you can imagine my delight when I read the other day, courtesy of our friends at WKRN, that Costco had submitted a plan for opening up a store right here in our own little City Between the Lakes.
This is huge. I mean you haven’t truly ARRIVED arrived as a town until you have an Applebee’s, but I feel like getting a Costco is pretty damn close to that. If Mount Juliet truly wants to be like the new Williamson County out East, this is a great start. The next step, of course, is an Applebee’s, but you get my point. Having a Costco is a status symbol. And, frankly, I will probably never leave this town again once it’s built. I’ll become the famous old man in the neighborhood that kids grow up to write movies like The Sandlot and Monster House about. Long, straggly gray hair…maybe even a skullet…yelling at everyone as I emerge once every six months to make my Costco run and hiss at strangers. Seriously, this is going to rule.
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Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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