I am struggling this morning. I had a few gin and tonics courtesy of the fine folks at Sinkers Beverages and the 440 Sports ‘A Football Show’ draft party last night. Braden also talked me into doing a shot of something that I can only describe as ‘the physical embodiment of decay,’ and I can still taste it in my mouth this morning. Nonetheless, I’ve got a piece to write here. I do it every year. The premise is simple – picks I liked, and picks I didn’t like from the first round of the NFL Draft. If you want our reaction to the Tennessee Titans making the safe pick in Northwestern offensive lineman Peter Skoronski, fire up our live episode of A Football Show and scroll on to see my favorite and least favorite picks from last night’s draft.
[LIVE] 440 Sports: The #Titans Are On The Clock! Full Analysis from @MikeHerndonNFL, @FWordsPod, @bradengall, & @StoneyKeeley. Sponsored By: @SinkersBev | @BlueGrassBev https://t.co/EKDWr5LTcP
— 440 Sports (@440Sports) April 28, 2023
And, yes – I know it’s stupid to do a ‘winners and losers’ piece before these guys ever play a down of football. But, I don’t know what else to call this piece every year so here we are.
2023 NFL Draft: First Round Winners and Losers
Loser: Detroit Lions – I’m okay with a lot of what happened last night. I really only have two choices for the ‘WTF’ honors! Let’s start with Detroit. I don’t want this to come across as a knock on Jahmyr Gibbs or Jack Campbell because I think both of those guys are going to be fine players in the NFL. It’s just about the value. The Lions are three deep at running back now between Gibbs, D’Andre Swift, and David Montgomery. Watching the 2022 Lions, I would’ve said both of their first round picks would need to be defense. At the very least, if they’re going offense, get a spark plug tight end or receiver. Running back would’ve been pretty low on my list of needs. Campbell is fine – it’s not a great linebacker class, so if it’s an absolute need on your board, go get your guy. I get that, but man…they could’ve used some defensive line help. I’m not sure I understand the vision here.
Loser: Green Bay Packers – The Packers are just going to keep drafting mediocre defensive linemen in the first round no matter what. I would’ve thought this draft would’ve been about supporting Jordan Love and giving him the best possible situation around him – they had their pick of the wide receiver and tight end litters right there, and the opted to go with Lukas Van Ness instead. Van Ness is a raw prospect whose tape certainly doesn’t line up with the consensus opinion of what he can be.
Winner: Houston Texans – Alright, let’s get to the winners, and MAN! No one made a bigger splash on draft night than the Houston Texans. The Titans’ secret ploy to get CJ Stroud to fall past #2 failed (this is tongue-in-cheek for those of you who have never been to SoBros Network before), and the Texans scooped up their quarterback of the future. Then, they slap their massive dongs on the table again to go up and get Will Anderson Jr., who could end up being the best player to come out of this entire draft. I love the BDE. To quote our favorite Texans fan, Sean Atkins, they got ’em “two culture-setters.” Is this the beginning of the turnaround in Houston?!?
Winner: Seattle Seahawks – The Seahawks fleeced the NFL Draft a year ago, and they’re on pace to do it again. Devon Witherspoon may be the most Pete Carroll player to ever Pete Caroll. He’s a tone-setter that is going to make for one hell of a cornerback pairing opposite Tariq Woolen. Then, to land the best wide receiver in this draft class to add another play-maker to that offense? That’s just highway robbery.
Winner: Tampa Bay Buccaneers – I’m not that big on Calijah Kancey overall. For me, I thought he was going to be a scheme-dependent player at the next level, and I felt like someone was going to draft him to be something that he isn’t. That’s not the case. I don’t think there could’ve been a more perfect fit for Kancey than along that Bucs defensive line. It’s been one of the more stout throughout the years…now, it’s becoming one of the most explosive.
Winner: New England Patriots – Insane value. Christian Gonzalez was one of my few blue chip players in this draft class. Thanks to the Washington Commanders going Emmanuel Forbes, Gonzalez just fell right into the Patriots lap. A ridiculous turn of fortune in New England…just what sports fans were rooting for!
Winner: New York Giants – Man oh man do I love me some Deonte Banks. He is a savvy corner that plays with a calm, cool, and collected demeanor to go along with his raw speed and athleticism. He is more than just size and traits though. He can re-route a receiver with his hands, and he’s a feisty guy, staying engaged in his block and throwing guys out the club when he needs to. There is such a smooth and polished quality to his movement that is almost like visual ASMR to watch. He can mirror his hips to the receiver’s in order to stay stride for stride with them, and he has that straight line speed to run with anyone. He’s going to make for a fantastic corner for the Giants.
Winner: Dallas Cowboys – Mazi Smith FUCKS!
Dallas adds some strength in the trenches selecting Mazi Smith with the 26th overall pick #NFLDraft pic.twitter.com/STWEh9VrwV
— NFL on ESPN (@ESPNNFL) April 28, 2023
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Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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