I have a confession to make, internet. Mike’s Hard Lemonade was the first alcohol I ever tried. I was on a houseboat with some buddies all the way back in 2003, and I couldn’t help but join in on the festivities as my friends drank Mike’s Hard and then jumped off the top of the boat into Center Hill Lake. It just looked like so much fun. Thankfully, half of a Mike’s Hard Lemonade did not turn me into an alcoholic, as I feared it might. And, it was six years before I even tried another alcohol. But, that’s still a fond memory.
When the doldrums of everyday life finally broke my spirit and I started drinking as an adult, I decided to return to my roots and pound some Mike’s Hard one summer. It was a welcome break from the Miller Lite I had chosen as my beginner beer, and it was amazing. They’re so refreshing, and while I can still feel my blood sugar surging after drinking six of them, I’d have to say it was all worth it for the memories. Roasting in the sun with the boys out at the lake, maybe we might have to wrestle each other for the last black cherry lemonade, but it was no big deal. Oh, those oily, sweaty, and carefree summer days!
That’s why I was so stoked to see a Mike’s Hard ad whilst watching WWE WrestleMania 39 over the weekend! I actually had no idea they were even still around. I never see their shit at the store anymore, but I remember the days when it was everywhere. The commercial was just before the all-time Intercontinental Championship instant classic between Gunther, Sheamus, and Drew McIntyre. It made all the sense in the world – while I love Mike’s Hard, I’ll acknowledge that there is nothing in the world that makes men rowdier than an ice cold Mike’s Hard Lemonade. You have a few, and there’s no doubt you’ll be spoiling for a fight! So, it was the perfect alcohol sponsor for big meaty hogs slapping each other’s chests red on a Sunday night!
Adding “pound some Mike’s Hard Lemonade with Sheamus and Drew McIntyre” to my bucket list. #WrestleMania pic.twitter.com/UmDnkN5mdW
— Stoney Keeley (@StoneyKeeley) April 3, 2023
“Hey, brother – let’s fuck those hipsters up and throw ’em out of the bar!” *Cheers with gigantic cans of Mike’s Hard Lemonade*
I make my jokes, but I really would be ecstatic to sit down with Sheamus and Drew McIntyre and just pound some Mike’s Hard out here on the lake. Does anyone remember that White Claw summer? Back in 2019, White Claw took the world by storm because of its refreshing flavors and low caloric intake. We all did some questionable shit while on the Claw, but I say it’s time to bring back four cups of sugar per bottle! Let’s bring back steamy summer nights spent wrestling lakeside. Let’s get rid of the stigma that drinking Mike’s Hard isn’t macho enough. Let’s make this the summer of the Mike’s Hard Comeback!
Editor’s note: Mike’s Hard did not pay me to write this, but I am hard to write this nonetheless.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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