We’re finally here and the NFL Draft is upon us. It’s one of the biggest events on the American football calendar of the year – some may even say it’s only behind the Super Bowl in terms of importance and fanfare. So, you know we had to do it to ’em. As the kind of disputed kings of the drinking game, we couldn’t sit idly by and watch this momentous event pass. We had to put out our 2023 NFL Draft Drinking Game. That’s just what we do. So, grab some of your favorite beer, and a bottle of your favorite liquor. Pour ’em up and get schwasted with us!
NFL DRAFT DRINKING GAME 2023
TAKE A DRINK IF/WHEN…
- Todd McShay and Mel Kiper, Jr. disagree on something…anything.
- Roger Goodell awkwardly bro-hugs a prospect.
- Someone’s mama is shown on camera. Another drink if she’s crying.
- They show a remote draft party for an NFL prospect.
- They show an NFL war room.
- Someone mispronounces a name.
- Someone is called a “play-maker.”
- Anyone says any team “needs pass rush help.”
- You hear the term ‘high motor.’
- You hear the term ‘quarterback of the future.’
- They show someone sweating in the green room who everyone thought would be picked in the top 10 but isn’t.
- You hear the term ‘injury concerns.’
- An offensive lineman is drafted.
- Quentin Johnston is not the first receiver drafted. Take a drink every time a receiver that isn’t Quentin Johnston is drafted until Quentin Johnston is drafted.
- Bijan Robinson ISN’T picked past #12 – that is to say that if Bijan Robinson is still available, but isn’t drafted at #13, take a drink. If he’s still available, but isn’t drafted at #14, take another drink. So on and so forth.
- A pass rusher is drafted before Lukas Van Ness. Yes, every time a pass rusher is drafted that is NOT Lukas Van Ness, take a drink, and follow this protocol until Lukas Van Ness is drafted.
- A player brings a prop on stage with them when they’re drafted.
- Someone mentions Peter Skoronski’s arm length.
- Someone mentions CJ Stroud’s S2 score.
- They show Will Levis putting mayo in his coffee or eating a banana with the peel on.
- A family members gets pushed out of frame.
TAKE A SHOT IF/WHEN…
- Video surfaces of any of this year’s draft prospect smoking weed through a gas mask bong.
- We see clips of the scene from Mike Vrabel’s house two years ago that may or may not have had someone shitting in the background.
- Chris Berman shows up and makes that awkward spoon-feeding motion with his hand while he’s talking.
- A team loses a pick or the clock runs out on a team because of a technical glitch.
- There’s a trade.
- A 5th quarterback is drafted in the first round.
- A third tight end is drafted in the first round.
- The following players end up being drafted in the first round: Steve Avila, Cody Mauch, Jonathan Mingo, Adetomiwa Adebawore, Siaki Ika (you can cap this at one shot if you’re worried about how this night is going).
- ALL of the following players end up being drafted in the first round (have to hit all six to take a shot): Zach Charbonnet, Josh Downs, Cedric Tillman, Luke Musgrave, Jonathan Mingo, Cody Mauch. If this happens, I’ll win $203K on a six-leg parlay, LFG.
- Lamar Jackson is traded.
- You have successfully stayed awake for the entirety of the first round.
As always, stay safe out there and drink responsibly! If you drink, don’t drive. Do the watermelon crawl.
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Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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