New Nashville never ceases to amaze me. You just never know what you’re going to see or experience in this city anymore. It used to be that you could just go out for a romping night on the town with your buddies and come home safely. Nowadays, Broadway is like a cesspool for bodily fluids and who knows what else? You might see someone eat shit trying to drive one of those little scooters around. Or, you might wake up in the middle of the night and the night manager at the hotel you’re staying at is sucking on your toes.
A 4th Avenue South Hilton Hotel guest woke up to a hotel night manager sucking on his toes Mar. 30, according to the Metro Nashville Police Department (MNPD).
Hey, there are some hotels at which you have to pay extra for the toe sucking! Maybe this night manager was just trying to help this patron out. He won the ‘free toe sucking in the middle of the night while you’re sleeping’ sweepstakes, and didn’t even know it! Or, it could’ve just been an honest mistake. Guy probably just went into the wrong room at the hotel and got it mixed up. It was really the room next door that ordered the toe sucking. But, our night manager here just couldn’t see because it was dark. Who are we kidding? Did you open the Fox17 piece and see this man’s face? He knew what he did, and honestly, I kind of respect the fact that his mug shot indicates that he regrets nothing.
Anyway, we absolutely can NOT be out here sucking people’s toes in their sleep. It’s just bad for the old timers like me – the more this gets out, the more people will be coming to Nashville and trying to get in on the toe-sucking hotel. There’s already enough going on in this town…what kind of precedent is this going to set? The infrastructure in Nashville can NOT handle this sort of up tic in traffic.
I don’t know how I would react to this. On one hand, I think I’d probably be frightened, and once I had come to, I’d probably be pretty angry, and I’d lose my temper and throw this man off my balcony. If there wasn’t a balcony accessible, I’d wrap the bathroom sink around his head like Danny McBride in Pineapple Express when they busted down the bathroom door. You get my point, though. I think I would likely think, in that moment, that “hey, this shit is not cool.”
But…and hear me out because this is quite the big ‘but’….BUT, there’s also apart of me that thinks this might be kind of relaxing and it might help me sleep. I can forgive a man for sucking on my toes if it’s an honest mistake. Plus, I just had my ingrown toenail cut off a month ago. My toe is not exactly in its sexiest state right now. If that man accidentally deep throated that toe…blegh…who would really be the one suffering there?
If you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe to The SoBros Power Hour on Apple Podcasts, follow us on Spotify, or wherever you take in your shows.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
Subscribe to the SoBros Network Patreon here – $5/month gets you instant access to an exhaustive content library of articles, podcasts, and videos created exclusively for our subscribers!
