(Patreon) Tank the 401k: SEC Futures Best Bets

We're talkin' SEC futures on this edition of Tank the 401k on Patreon!

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Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football betting column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.

Well, I hate to admit it, fellow degenerates…but I’m not sure I’m going to make a whole lot of money on SEC futures this season. So, I’m going the safe route. This is for a couple of reasons. For one, I just don’t see to much crazy stuff happening in the conference this year, so I have no confidence in going out on a limb on any of these teams. I’m thinking a Georgia vs. Alabama/LSU championship game, and that’s about it. For another, I think this is a nice chance to stockpile a few safe picks to get a few wins. So, let’s get to it. 

SEC Futures Best Bets

Georgia to win the East: -430 – Look…it’s not a sexy pick. But, every once in awhile, you just have to go with the easy win. Sometimes, it’s about building bankroll. Sometimes, it’s just about building momentum. For me, this is maybe the safest best in all of college football this preseason. I don’t see anyone coming close to the Bulldogs in the SEC East. I like to stash a few easy bets in my back pocket every once in awhile just to help pump up the win column.

Mississippi State UNDER 6.5 wins: -164 – There’s talent in Starkville, don’t get me wrong. This is a defense that has been perennially underrated in the last few seasons, and Will Rogers is out to prove he’s worthy of a draft pick. But, I can’t help but think there’s going to be some growing pains for Zach Arnett, and the loss of Mike Leach is hard to overcome on offense. This could still be a bowl team, and this bet will still cash, but I’m taking the under.

Vanderbilt OVER 3.5 wins: -170 – We cashed the Vandy over 3.5 wins early last season, and I think we’re going to do it again! Hawaii, Alabama A&M, and UNLV make up three of the first four games on the schedule, and I think they go to Wake Forest and win. This is a tough, competitive football team that isn’t going to be an easy out. I wouldn’t be surprised to see them steal a couple of games in the SEC they have no business winning.

Texas A&M OVER 7.5 wins: -176 – The weird (almost sexual) tension between Bobby Petrino and Jimbo Fisher has me a little nervous about the overall state of the Aggies offense, but there’s just so much talent there, and the SEC West isn’t going to be the gauntlet it was a season ago. I like the Aggies to potentially get as high as 10 wins this season.

SEC Championship Exacta: Alabama to def. Georgia – +550 – Nick Saban has a way of surprising people when his back is against the wall. I like the way this schedule sets up for a real run, regardless of how they play against LSU. Get into a one-game scenario with Georgia, who I think might take a bit of a step back this season, and there could be value here with a +550 bet. That’s my play here anyway. 

Once again, I’ll update this post with McCash’s picks once I get ’em.

SEASON STATS

  • McCash last week: (0-0)
  • McCash’s 2022 W-L: (30-38) – 44.1%
  • Stoney last week: (0-0)
  • Stoney’s 2022 W-L: (36-32-1) – 52.9%
  • Stoney’s money spent 2023: $5
  • Stoney’s money earned 2023: $0
  • SoBros last week: (0-0) – 0%
  • SoBros 2022 W-L: (66-70-1) – 48.5%

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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