I am certainly not one to judge here today. If you know me, you know that if I’m one thing, it’s comfortable in my own skin. Hell, my wife gets on to me sometimes if I’m walking bare ass through the bedroom with the blinds open. What about the neighbors?! Well, what about the neighbors? If they don’t want to see a portly hairy man in the nude, then they shouldn’t be lookin’ in our damn windows! It’s just never been a problem to me, so I just want to be clear here when I say I’m not trying to chastise anyone for being high on life and taking nudes as one with nature. I just genuinely want to know. I’m trying to understand here.
I read this story from CNN about how there’s a farm across the pond that has had to post signs around their sunflower field to tell people to stop getting nekkid and posing for nude pictures on the property. Like…there are SO many people doing this, that it is a problem. They’re practically begging people to put their hogs and tiddies away. I was revolted at first, as a fan of sexual liberation in general. Be a free a spirit. Have your fun. And, also…yeah…I hate authority. To be honest, I probably have way more unhealthy thoughts about it than I should, and maybe that’s a nice little reminder for me to go see a therapist. But, my point here is that if you tell me to do something, my inclination is usually to do the exact opposite. When I first read that headline, I was disgusted in these prudes. But, that’s why we always have to read more than the headlines, folks. Let this be a lesson to you all. You have to read a story in full. This isn’t some secluded isolated piece of private property. This thing is open to the public! People are trying to have picnics and they’re seeing balls flopping around (that part’s not in the story…I’m just speculating, of course).
So, now I’m genuinely curious – are these people under some sort of spell? What is it about a sunflower field that makes so many compelled to strip bare and pose for photos with complete strangers and families around? Have we finally revealed the secret to ‘Love Potion Number Nine’ after all these years? It’s just sunflowers! That’s what The Searchers were singing about all of those years ago! I don’t know, and honestly, there’s only one way to find out. If you have a sunflower field in Wilson County, I’m just giving you a heads up. That’s not a naked bigfoot you’re going to see frolicking in your fields this weekend.
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Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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