I’d be lying if I came in here today and tried to kick this thing off by telling y’all how stoked I was for this show. I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer, of course. I won’t be a hater. If you’re stoked out of your gourd for this show, more power to you. To me, it feels like a one-match show. Now, that one match is one of the most dramatic matches of all time – Roman Reigns defending his Undisputed WWE Universal Championship and the title of Tribal Chief against Jey Uso. It’s hard not to be emotionally invested in that one. But, outside of that – I’m salivating at the Intercontinental Championship match between Gunther and Drew McIntyre, but that’s about it.
It just doesn’t feel like a stacked SummerSlam card, so it’s been hard to really get up for it. That’s just me being transparent with you guys about how I feel about this show. Regardless, it’s a good excuse to get together with the homies and toss back some cold crispy bois. So, pour up your drink of choice and let’s get sloshed to the official unofficial SummerSlam 2023 Drinking Game!
WWE SUMMERSLAM 2023 DRINKING GAME
TAKE A DRINK IF/WHEN…
- Someone at your party acknowledges the Tribal Chief. Anyone who does not is required to be speared through a drywall panel in your wall.
- Anyone brings up that Jey Uso is the first person to pin Roman Reigns in like three years or whatever.
- A wrestler hits their finisher.
- A wrestler cuts a backstage promo.
- Anyone uses a foreign object (reminder: a ladder is not considered a foreign object in a ladder match).
- Someone makes a big return – either in the ring or in a promo! We’re talkin’ CM Punk, Randy Orton, the Boogeyman, I don’t care – anyone!
- There’s a botch – either in the ring, in a promo, or on commentary.
- A match goes 20 minutes or longer.
- A Ford motor vehicle is shown.
- They pan to a sweeping shot of the city of Detroit.
- You hear the term ‘Motor City.’
- Seth Rollins laughs real big with his mouth wide open the way he does.
- Either Ronda Rousey or Shayna Baszler is legitimately knocked out.
- Cody Rhodes goes longer than five minutes with Brock Lesnar. Take another drink for every subsequent minute Rhodes goes with Lesnar.
- Someone on Twitter (excuse me….X) refers to the Bloodline storyline as “CINEMA.”
- Logan Paul’s social media following or energy drink is mentioned.
- Anyone at your watch party vocally expresses how stupid those onscreen graphics are during wrestlers’ entrances.
TAKE A SHOT IF/WHEN…
- Damian Priest teases a Money In the Bank cash-in. Do another if he does cash in and wins the title.
- A title changes hand.
- There’s a heel turn or a face turn.
- Anyone on the entire show bleeds.
- Someone is actually hit by a car (Motor City, baby!).
Remember – drink responsibly. If you drink, don’t drive. Do the watermelon crawl.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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