Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football betting column here on the SoBros Network Patreon, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.
Stoney’s Picks
Man, I was feeling pretty good on Saturday night holding my LSU -9.5 and FIU +7.5 tickets! I thought, “hey, I only have to get one of these three NFL games right to have my third consecutive winning week to start the season!” Well….fuck. I’m bailing on the Texans – they’re completely un-bet-able right now. The Packers and Saints both should’ve covered and given me a 4-1 week, but oh well. We move on. That’s how you have to be in the world of football and degenerate football gambling. On to the next one.
- Air Force -4.5 @ San Jose State at -108 – San Jose State is going to be a popular upset pick here, but I don’t see it. Air Force is 3-0 and they’re playing a style of football that travels well – running people down on offense and playing good defense. The Spartans played Toledo well, but I don’t see them keeping that energy going.
- Rice -2.5 @ South Florida at -112 – The Owls are 3-0 ATS this season, and in case you don’t remember, your boy is holding a ‘Rice OVER 4.5 wins this season’ ticket. I also happen to really like the match-up of Rice’s passing game against South Florida’s pass defense.
- MTSU -2.5 vs. Colorado State at -130 – The Rams are hard to get a read on so far because their only games have been against teams in higher weight classes. But, I like the Blue Raiders in this spot if you can still get ’em at -2.5. Can Colorado State get up after the emotional release that that Colorado game was? I think the Blue Raiders, who damn near beat Mizzou, catch the Rams a little deflated.
- Ravens -7.5 vs. Colts at -122 – The Colts have an awful lot of people listed as ‘questionable’ right now. They can’t run the ball. I have no idea why this isn’t a 10-point spread, and that automatically makes me think the sportsbooks know something we don’t. Bettor beware, but I think the Ravens maul the Colts on Sunday.
- Falcons +3.5 @ Lions at -115 – Bettors may still be riding the high of that Lions upset over the Chiefs in Week 1, but this Lions defense still has some major question marks. Are the Falcons equipped to throw the ball all over the yard? No, but they have a guy named Bijan Robinson, who is playing pretty well right now. More importantly, they have quietly fielded one of the best defenses in the NFL this season so far. The Lions will test them, and the Falcons might not get to 3-0, but I think they play a style that is conducive to keeping games close.
Parlay all five picks at +2094
McCash’s Picks
This season has not started out like I had hoped, but we’re only a few weeks in and there is plenty of football left to play and bet on. After watching the Saints give up their first touchdown of the season with a minute to go in their win over the Carolina Panthers, combined with the head scratching pointless field goal by the Los Angeles Rams as time expired, I was ready to replace the dry wall in my house where my fists once resided. Back-to-back 3-2 weeks were within reach but once the dust settled of the two aforementioned games, I sat at a lonely 1-3-1 for the week. Surely it cannot get any worse.
- LSU/Arkansas O55.5 LSU’s last seven games have all gone over as has 12 of the last 16 for the Razorbacks. Both teams have been able to light up the scoreboard this season and also had difficulties stopping their opponents from doing the same.
- Memphis +7 The Battle of the Tigers this week in St. Louis should have the added stipulation of ‘the winner enters the Top 25 next week.’ Memphis looked sloppy against Navy last week but who doesn’t, really? Missouri pulled off the second biggest upset by an SEC team when it sent Kansas State home with a 30-27 loss. Memphis’ defense was awarded a few extra days to prepare for Mizzou by playing on Thursday and the extra time will play a big part in the Bluff City’s big win and almost guaranteed spot in the Top 25.
- Kansas City -13.5 The Chiefs offense has been slow to start the season but they did get a hard fought win over Jacksonville last week and face a reeling Chicago Bears team that seems to be suffering from some self-inflicted wounds on the inside. Justin Fields can run the ball well but is struggling greatly throwing the ball. The Chiefs stout passing defense should make life a living hell for Fields on Sunday while the KC offense finally sees the end zone over and over.
- New York Jets ML No, I have not hit my head on anything or taken some mind altering drugs. I truly believe that the Jets will win outright against the New England Patriots. The Jets will have to win games strictly with their running game being dominant and defense. The Pats have been mistake-prone early and often this season and since Aaron Rodgers went down four snaps in to the season, everyone has forgotten how good this Jets defense is. Mac Jones is going to remember just how good they are this Sunday.
- Seahawks -5.5 I do not have much faith in Seattle this year, but I have absolutely 0 faith in a team that played at home on Monday and had issues moving the ball all night long with a rookie QB under center to have to turn around on a short week and travel completely across the country to play in one the most difficult stadiums in the league. The Seahawks defense welcomes Bryce Young to the west coast with open arms and easily covers the spread here.
SEASON STATS
- McCash last week: (1-3-1)
- McCash’s 2023 W-L: (5-9-1) – 36%
- Stoney last week: (2-2-1)
- Stoney’s 2023 W-L: (8-6-1) – 57%
- Stoney’s money spent 2023: $15.00
- Stoney’s money earned 2023: $16.00
- Stoney’s profit/loss: +$1.00
- SoBros last week: (3-5-2) – 38%
- SoBros 2023 W-L: (13-15-2) – 46.4%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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