The SoBros Mailbag 260: The Worst Kind of People

It's lunch time on a Friday. The SoBros Mailbag is here.

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Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter, email ’em to me anonymously at thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com. And, holy shit, I need to update this terrible intro paragraph that I’ve been using literally ever since I started writing this column…

Question, from McCash in Slack:

What’s the worst kind of person? Here’s my example… people who are on their phone the through an entire movie and then don’t even throw away their trash.

Answer:

I liked Owen’s answer in Slack of “probably pedophiles.” That makes sense.

My wife drives me nuts sitting on her phone through a movie. The other day we watched that new Dungeons & Dragons movie, and when they go to the castle to see Hugh Grant, she said, “oh Hugh’s in this?!?” And, I’m like “yeah, he was the dude they were running around with at the beginning of the movie.” She just looked at me with a blank stare, and I knew she hadn’t been paying attention. What’s the point? Why even watch the movie if you’re not going to pay attention?!?!

I have to admit. I’m guilty of leaving my trash behind in a theater a time or two. I just forget. I’ll be in the car on the way home, and it’ll hit me…”shit, my popcorn’s under the seat.

For me, I absolutely HATE people who are rude to retail/service workers. I just about flipped my wig on a lady in Goodwill back a couple months ago. Guy at the register was obviously having a tough time counting change for a customer, and this lady behind me with a fucking fish tank (of all things) was shouting and asking if they could open up another register. She was groaning, and making it known she was displeased with this dude. A manager came up and opened another register. When he looked at me and said, “I can take you over here,” I turned to fish tank lady and said “go to that guy.” She asked if I was sure, and I said, “yeah, you’re the one in a rush here. I’m happy to wait.” She seemed a little taken aback, but I knew if I had to hear her grumbling one more time, I probably would’ve said something a lot less cordial.

Who does that?!?! At Goodwill of all places?!?! By the time I made it up to the register with my movies, I made sure to tell the guy he was doing okay, and I even took my sweet ass time to talk to him about how much we both loved O Brother Where Art Thou?, looking back every few seconds to see if anyone behind me had a fucking problem with that because I was about ready to cause a scene defending this guy’s honor.

Question:

Answer:

I’m adding two to the ol’ honker – it has a nice shape, but could use two more inches to grow into that really elite honker territory. It’s not a show honker, but two more inches, and I might could display it at art shows. I’m already 6’2″, so what’s 6’6″ gonna do for me?

Alternative answer: “Grizzler, if I add two more inches to my honker, I’ll tip over!”

Also, yes, if y’all didn’t know this about me, I will literally answer just about any mailbag question y’all ask me (unless you name names, in which case, I’ll answer you privately but not in the column on the internet).

Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.

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