Honestly, you never know what you’re going to get here on SoBros Network, and that’s honestly why I love doing what I do so much. One day, it’s a nice restaurant review. The next, it’s an in-depth film study from a football game. Other times, we’re talking about staying in an AirBnB modeled after Shrek’s swamp! You never know! Today, we’re re-casting a movie that’s 33 years old. So, for context, I watched 1990’s Dick Tracy for the first time a few weeks ago. My buddy RighteousJesse down at Danger Zone Video and I have talked about doing a podcast about his Dick Tracy collection over on the SoBros Collectors Room on Patreon.
To catch up, and to get a better idea of why this movie was such a phenomenon, I wanted to watch it, of course. I remember being a kid and getting all of the badass little Dick Tracy action figures. Some of them came with a comic book, too. But, I don’t remember the movie all that much. Having watched it in 2023, I definitely think it probably traumatized me and those memories are repressed. All of the villains in this film are freakish in nature, and even as a kid, I was frightened by the concept of “hey, those things are supposed to be real humans, but they don’t look like real humans.”
Dick Tracy kind of feels like Sin City for children. At the same time, I don’t know who would’ve made this movie and thought, “y’know what? The kids will be going bonkers for this!” Regardless, I fucking loved it as a 37 year old man. I thought it was delightfully campy, picturesque, and hilarious in a caricature sort of way. So, it got me thinking – with Hollywood stumbling over themselves to recreate IP movies, how has no one thought to reboot Dick Tracy yet? It has to be coming, I would imagine. So, I figured I would do Hollywood a favor and go ahead and cast the inevitable Dick Tracy reboot.
Re-casting Dick Tracy in 2023
Paul Rudd as Dick Tracy – Tell me Paul Rudd wasn’t born to play Dick Tracy. TELL ME! You can’t! That’s because Paul Rudd was born to play Dick Tracy. I know you can see it too.
Ryan Gosling as Mumbles – It feels like the world was introduced to Gosling’s comedy chops in Barbie, but those of us who have been fans of his movies for quite some time know that Gosling is an underrated comedy actor. Let’s get a different side of that with an unhinged performance as Mumbles.
Colin Farrell as Big Boy Caprice – I have to give our guy Zach Lyons credit for this one, but damn it if it’s not hitting the nail on the head. We’ve already seen Farrell take on the crime boss role in The Batman, and we know he’s got just enough of an unhinged side to make this work.
Lady Gaga as Breathless Mahoney – Only makes sense, right? The role was originally cast with Madonna, so we have to keep that trend going.
Dave Bautista as Flattop – I don’t know how this works, but we have to get this guy involved somehow.
C’mon guys! Help me out – what am I missing? Drop your castings in the comments section.
Is this a screen grab of Dick Tracy or Hey Arnold? pic.twitter.com/pCO8x6MfaZ
— Stoney Keeley (@StoneyKeeley) September 21, 2023
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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