Why did I use a picture of myself as the featured image on this article? Am I the one pooping in line at Disneyland? No, I am not. But, I am terrified of the folks at D*sney coming after me for even mentioning their name. That’s a legal mess I’m trying to avoid at all cost. So, if I have to be the face of these kids shitting in the park, so be it. Well anyway, I have to confess – I have never really understood the hype with theme parks in general. I hate lines. Theme parks are expensive. I can count the times I’ve spent meaningful time in a theme park on one hand. So, maybe I’m not the SoBro who should be writing this article. Maybe I don’t have the perspective to cover this story in an eloquent way. But, it has to be spread to the masses and any way that I can do that, I’ll do it. Today, I learned that people are out there dropping doo doo in lines for the rides at Disneyland.
A preview of this in-depth piece from SFGate:
It sounds too disgusting, too outlandish to be real. A Disneyland urban legend of the gross-out variety: that people are dropping trou and pooping where they stand while in line for rides. But unfortunately for the weak-stomached, this rumor is absolutely real.
Urban legend? How did I never hear about this? I don’t know, but you guys should definitely take the time to read that piece because it is fascinating. There’s an entire world of pooping at Disneyland that I never knew existed. If a line is so long that there’s a chance I might end up shitting myself waiting in it, guess what. I AIN’T GONNA GET IN THAT LINE. I hate lines in general. What a waste of time. So again, maybe I’m not the person to weigh in on this, but there isn’t anything on the planet worth waiting in line for to the point that I’m about to mess my britches.
I can’t even imagine what I would do in that situation. How is the rational thing to NOT get out of line and just go shit? I know the Disney vets out there will tell me I don’t understand because I’ve never seen those lines. But, it just seems like a common sense approach to an unlucky situation. I can’t believe I’m typing this, but societally, I think the acceptable thing to do is to go to the bathroom when you’re about to shit yourself. Call me old fashioned!
On the flip side, to offer some sort of criticism that is constructive and not just condescending, I am a bit of a prepper. I like to think of every possible scenario and plan accordingly. So, my advice would be to wear a diaper. They make them for all shapes and sizes and if you’re too big for any shape or size, just wrap a table cloth around you. They might have a mess to clean up once you get off that right, but at least you won’t have shit on the concrete.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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