The SoBros Mailbag 265: If Ants Were the Size of Dogs

It's lunch time on a Friday. The SoBros Mailbag is here.

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Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter, email ’em to me anonymously at thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com. And, holy shit, I need to update this terrible intro paragraph that I’ve been using literally ever since I started writing this column…

Question:

Answer:

No. This might not be a popular take, but Super Bowl wins don’t really mean all that much to me in my fandom. I would celebrate one, and I certainly hope deeply and badly for the Titans to win one. But, I’m not losing any digits over it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – for the most part, I love this community. I love the game. I love learning about it, analyzing it, and theorizing ways to improve it from where I sit. To be apart of this creative community is one of the things that keeps me sane in this life, and I’ll have that no matter if the team is good or bad. Again, I know that might not be a popular sentiment, but when I think about all of the things I love about being a Titans fan and an analyst, whether or not the Titans actually win matters little.

Question:

Answer:

Buddy, I think we can give Ridge Holland a break at this point. We have to let go of that hatred because it does nothing good for us. But, because I always give serious answers on the SoBros Mailbag, I’ll give you a straight one anyway: waterboarding.

Question:

Answer:

Unfortunately, Jacob, we will never know. That would’ve been my hope though. And, who knows? Maybe there’s still time for this blossoming romance if they get the W at Tampa Bay next Sunday. Don’t give up hope yet.

Question:

Answer:

Absolutely. Name an animal on this planet that grinds harder than an ant. They would stop at nothing to get to the top of the food chain. Ants are ruthless conquerors. Can you imagine the network of tunnels they’d have underground? I mean, I don’t think it’s a reach at all to say it would be akin to the movie Tremors. You’d be going for a nice stroll in the park and then BOOM – here’s a dog-sized ant chasing you down to take back to the colony. They’re highly coordinated too, and that’s what makes me think they’d be able to defend themselves. It would take a Herculean effort to fend them off and from a sheer numbers perspective, I just don’t think the human race could fight back. Terrifying.

Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.

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