Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter, email ’em to me anonymously at thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com. And, holy shit, I need to update this terrible intro paragraph that I’ve been using literally ever since I started writing this column…
Question:
Do you see more cream pies in Nick Saban's future?
— Tres Winn (@TresWinn) January 11, 2024
Answer:
Tres, I’m just going to reply with the gif I sent you on Twitter.
— Stoney Keeley (@StoneyKeeley) January 11, 2024
Question:
Can you rank the award shows from most entertaining to least entertaining and also rank them in order of which awards are most meaningful to win?
— Robert Greenlaw (@RobOnBroadway) January 11, 2024
Answer:
Most entertaining (in this order): Grammys, Golden Globes, Oscars
Those are the only awards ceremonies I actually watch. The Grammys are fun because you get more musical performances to pass the time. I’m actually a fan of watching the Golden Globes. They feel a little more laid back, and I like the wide array of categories between movies and television. The Oscars are so long-winded that it makes it hard to stay up for the whole thing, but I do love the old school Hollywood vibe that most of the ceremonies have.
Most prestigious (in this order): Oscars, Grammys
Everything else is just “meh” to me when it comes to the big time awards ceremonies.
Oh, and the ESPYs belong in their own category of “who gives a fuck?” I don’t know if they know this or not, but they have real trophies and championships in sports. We don’t need people voting on stuff.
Question:
If I wash my butt in the shower with soap and my hand, do I have to wash my hands afterwards? What about the soap?
— Canadian Titan (@Canadian_Titan) January 11, 2024
Answer:
Soap has to be rinsed off after going in a butt for sure. Just to be safe, I’m going to wash my hands too. But, I’m also kind of OCD when it comes to germs and butts and shit.
Question:
Looks like Alabama fans were leaving oatmeal cream pies and bottles of Coke at the Saban statue after he retired. What are people leaving at your (hypothetical) statue when you decide to retire?
— new year, same brett (@thebrettclark) January 11, 2024
Answer:
Man, that’s a great question. Probably Extra spearmint gum, Bombay Sapphire gin, and Russian Cream Backwoods, I’d say.
Question:
how big is your penis
— kill tony enjoyer (@blackandmild333) January 11, 2024
Answer:
I have done the math and it comes out to roughly the size of four golf balls stacked on top of one another.
Question:
How do you stop feeling perpetually sad when your favorite sports team only exists to make you perpetually sad?
— Coach Lowry (@ImMikeLowry) January 11, 2024
Answer:
Coach, I have to constantly remind myself of why I’m a Titans fan. I love bonding over this team. I love studying this team. I love meeting people because of this team. I love all of the aspects of being a fan of this team. When I remember that, all the cool shit I’ve been able to do because I write and talk about this team, and all of the people I’ve met along the way, it almost makes it so that the on-field results don’t even really matter. I’m just along for the ride – Titan up.
Question:
Who would be the top, Vrabel or Ran? Please provide reasonings for your answer
— Josip ⚔️🇭🇷 (@josip_salov) January 11, 2024
Answer:
I mean, it’s Mike, right? He doesn’t strike me as very generous or willing to take one so Ran can have a good time every once in awhile. Seems very “my way or the highway,” and that would indicate that he likes to be in control to me.
Question:
Bi-weekly check in….. Joe Alt, Ola Fashanu or the field?
— Goody (@real_goody) January 11, 2024
Answer:
After hearing that Ran Carthon wanted Zay Flowers last year and they were close to taking him, I might be leaning towards the field at this juncture.
Question, from Ryan on Instagram:
Can’t remember if we asked this before: what classic meme do you think about the most?
Answer:
That’s tough because there are so many – the one that comes to mind right away is ‘ermahgerd gersbums.’ I think that’s the one that started it all for me. Memes rule.
Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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