Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter, email ’em to me anonymously at thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com. And, holy shit, I need to update this terrible intro paragraph that I’ve been using literally ever since I started writing this column…
Question:
Are otters the coolest animals ever? They can swim, be on land, experience true love, slam dunk, and masturbate but everyone thinks it's cute and funny and not gross/sinful
— Football & Other F Words (@FWordsPod) March 28, 2024
Answer:
You know, I have a newfound respect for otters after that story about that otter who was a slam-dunkin’ knuckle-shufflin’ sone of a gun came out. I don’t think this is a baseless take at all. They are pretty cool, and it sounds like they lead a pretty nice life. In a way, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m jealous I can’t live my life like that. I wish I was an otter.
Question:
My question is will you make an egg salad sandwich and a small chicken cutlet fried. Out the chicken inside the sandwich and eat it? Post proof
— Titan Travis (@Titantravis08) March 28, 2024
Answer:
Damn, Travis, that sounds pretty good. I mean, will I do that eventually? Probably. But, I don’t know when. I mean, I’m not going to make it a priority, but when the day comes that I do try it, I’ll take a photo and post it for sure.
Question:
How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
— Parker (@Parker5425) March 28, 2024
Answer:
Parker, I don’t know man. I just work here.
Question:
What is your favorite unconventional scent you enjoy smelling (not in candles)?
— Eldon English (@shrike113) March 28, 2024
In ‘Family Guy’, Stewie claims turtles are “nature’s D Student”. Do you agree with this assessment?
Answer:
First of all, I don’t remember who asked it but I feel like I’ve gotten the turtle question on the mailbag before. I did a quick search of the site but nothing came up, so I don’t know. I don’t even remember what I said and can’t come up with anything clever right now. Sorry to disappoint.
As for the scent question, I feel like ‘gasoline’ would be a popular answer here. I love the smell of gasoline, but for the sake of wandering off the beaten path, I will say that I am in the minority here, but I love the smell of cabbage as it cooks. It reminds me of growing up, settling in at home on a cold winter’s night with a pot of cabbage on the stove. I would also add the smell of sweat during sex.
Question:
Without looking it up what would you think a sheet metal detailer does ?
— Titan Travis (@Titantravis08) March 28, 2024
Answer:
I’m going to go with either ‘adding the curvy ridges in the metal that goes on a tin roof” or “adding the texture to metal to make it trendy in upscale coffee shops and burger joints.”
Question:
What would make your pants tighter for 1.07 and 2.38
— Goody (@real_goody) March 28, 2024
Joe Alt than Darius Robinson?
Malik Nabers than Kingsley Suamatia?
Answer:
Alt and Robinson easily for me. Alt checks your left tackle box. Robinson checks your Denico Autry box. I’m not as high on Nabers as the consensus, and Suamataia is a project. Easy easy easy.
Question:
I want to be friends. Can we go get a coffee?
— Joe (@joeNnashville) March 28, 2024
Answer:
Joe, we’re already friends, pal! I never leave the house unless my wife makes me, but my DMs are always open if you want to chat.
Question:
top 5 superpowers?
— tobester oven (@OvenTobester) March 28, 2024
Answer:
This is a tough one because you could frame it a couple of different ways – ‘most powerful’ or ‘most fun.’ I’m going to lean towards what I think would be fun as hell to have. These would be my favorites:
- Indestructible
- Flight
- Invisibility
- Immortality (or I’ll accept ‘lack of cell degeneration’ here)
- Shooting lasers from your fingertips
Question, from E on Instagram:
Best paint brushes (this is not an ad)
Answer:
E, I don’t even know where I bought the brushes I use. I could actually probably use a recommendation or two on where to get the best stuff. As my wife informs all the time, I’m “not a real artist.”
Question:
What is your record for eggs eaten in one sitting?
— billy jeans stan (@Doogie1138) March 28, 2024
Answer:
Back in college when I was working out four hours a day, I would eat eight scrambled eggs for breakfast with a cup of oatmeal, two slices of wheat toast, and an entire sliced cucumber. I saw The Rock post his diet in one of those weightlifting mags and thought I could get to the same physique lmao.
Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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