I’m Totally Out on Front Porches Enclosed in Glass

I'm all the way out on front porches enclosed in glass.

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Now, I don’t like to fire up this website, come on here, and try to act like I’m an expert in something I’m not. That’s how you lose people. I won’t pretend to be some expert in architecture, though I do appreciate the art form from time to time. Nonetheless, I do have an opinion on this new trend of enclosing front porches in glass. Before we get to that, check it out for yourself if you haven’t already seen this.

It just looks like a store. It looks like a class room. It looks like an office. It does NOT look like an inviting front porch in front of someone’s home! Does it look sleek? Sure, yeah, maybe for a library. But, I can’t get on board with this idea for a home. If you want to keep the bugs out, why not just screen it in? By walling off the porch, you’re eliminating one of the best features of a front porch…the open air that allows you to feel the cool breeze blowing through your bare chest hair. Your ass gonna be ROASTING sitting out there in the summer time because there’s absolutely no fresh air flowing through. On the contraire, as the French say, you’re going to heat up the front porch. You’ll be sitting out there like ants under a magnifying glass.

I guess maybe I should be a little more open-minded and not assume that this trend is happening in the deep south. Maybe this plays well somewhere like Iceland where it’s cold a lot. But, it is just so offensive to the southern mind. I simply can’t fathom how hot that room’s going to be come July and August. Not to mention, you’re going to have to clean that thing all the damn time or else it’s going to get real disgusting real quick. I know we’re running out of cool things to try and that leads to things we think are innovations but are really just dumb, but at some point, we have to have a limit. We have to draw a line in the sand somewhere, and I am choosing to draw that line at front porches enclosed in glass.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ā€˜Minds right, asses tight.ā€™ ā€œBig Naturalā€ covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.

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