Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter, email ’em to me anonymously at thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com. And, holy shit, I need to update this terrible intro paragraph that I’ve been using literally ever since I started writing this column…
Question:
What is fireworks timing etiquette on fourth of July in residential neighborhoods?
— Football & Other F Words (@FWordsPod) July 2, 2024
Answer:
I’ve become a curmudgeon in my old age and think fireworks are overrated. But, I don’t want to rain on everyone’s parade. As long as we’re done by midnight, I’m good.
Question:
Also, how many glizzys you guzzling down?
— Football & Other F Words (@FWordsPod) July 2, 2024
Answer:
I don’t know what’s on the menu for this year’s celebratory cookout, so it depends. If we’re just going glizzys and burgers (maybe some hotburgussys too), I’m going to pound at least six glizzys smothered in mustard and relish. But, man…my mother in law usually makes a London Broil at our summertime cookouts that will put your ass in a coma it’s so good. If we’re having that, it’s going to reduce the glizzy count to 0 as I’ll be so full of beef, I won’t be able to eat anything else.
Question, from Brittany on Instagram:
What do you want people to know about your poetry book?
Answer:
First of all, that I do have a book of 30 poems available for sale on Kindle or in paperback form on Amazon. Second of all, I say this a lot about SoBros Network…I get that it can be kind of a taxing thing to sift through everything I write and sort out what is serious and what is meant to be funny (whether you actually think it’s funny or not is irrelevant). And, I think my poetry is the same. There is some stuff in it that probably feels really thoughtful and maybe even painful. Then, there’s stuff about collecting Funko Pops and eating a really good cheeseburger. I hope that if you’re interested enough to order it, you’ll be amused by how the poems zig and zag between weird, creepy, and hopefully, humorous. Finally, I’d say that whether it’s a direct reference to my life or inspiration from it, there’s a little piece of me, be it hidden or in plain view, in every poem…every story…that I write.
Question:
Is there proper etiquette on times of year to light a Yankee candle? Is it a sin to burn a Winter or Halloween type scent in early July? As a Pink Sands & Lemon Lavender fanatic i’m looking to shake things up in a big way.
— Rome szn (@WhenlnR0ME) July 2, 2024
Answer:
I say whatever makes you happy, puts you at ease, and helps you take your mind off of the real world for a little bit. Ultimately, that’s the purpose of a Yankee Candle…to transport us to a different world, if only for a short time. Or at least that’s what I think….I’m not sure that’s Yankee Candle’s exact mission statement, but you get my drift. Personally, I do stick to a scent calendar…I think they enhance the atmosphere of a particular time of year. It also helps me not lose perspective of time – I know this is going to sound like the ravings of a mad man, but as I get older, I’m realizing how quickly time passes. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked at my calendar and said “holy shit, it’s [insert month here] already.” So, if I smell pumpkin in October, it helps me not lose track of that. A little secret of mine, though – there are times I think, “man, I wish it was fall,” and I admit I’ll light up an Autumn Leaves just to imagine the changing of the seasons.
Question:
What food do you think would give you the best chance to win an eating contest, and how much of it could you consume?
— Jacob Sain (@JSainity) July 2, 2024
Answer:
Chili. I think I could eat 20 pounds of it.
Question:
What’s your impression of the Preds player haul so far in free agency? And what’s been Nashville’s buzz on it?
— Ed Helinski 🇺🇸🇵🇱 (@MrEd315) July 2, 2024
Answer:
I dig it – it strikes me as very much of a “win now” mentality, and instantly improves the team. Expectations are going to be through the roof next season, but it’s been nice to see the city come alive for hockey in June again! We haven’t had much reason to since 2017!
Question:
Hope I’m not too late, but if you could be an air, earth, fire, or water bender from avatar, which would you choose?
— Grizzler (@GrizzWizz24) July 2, 2024
Answer:
I never got into Avatar, so I don’t know which is the most powerful, but I’m going to say fire because I think it would probably look the coolest.
Question:
What’s your favorite species of sea turtle?
— Eldon English (@shrike113) July 2, 2024
Do you think there is water life in the oceans of Jupiter’s moon, Europa?
What fictional president would make the best real president for America?
If you had to lose one of the five senses forever, which would it be?
Favorite candy?
Answer:
*Is there more than one species of sea turtle? I think my favorite species of sea turtle is sea turtle.
*Water has to be….what? The primary ingredient for life? If there’s truly an ocean under that thick layer of ice, then I’d be willing to bet there’s life in it and it is probably mortally terrifying (at least to me, who hates the ocean).
*I’m going with Harrison Ford from Air Force One.
*After having covid in 2020 and experiencing the loss of the sense of smell for a little bit, i think that’s what i’m going with. I know I’m a bit of a foodie and would hate how it would impact my enjoyment of food, but spin cycle suggest it could be a good way to lose weight. I can’t imagine living without sight, audition, or feeling things.
*I’m a sucker for a snack size box of DOTS or a caramel Reese’s cup.
Question:
Also, are you protesting the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest by making another brand (Oscar Meyer, ballpark, etc.), joining Chestnut’s cause by eating Impossible hot dogs, or saying screw Chestnut and going full corporate by eating Nathan’s anyways?
— Eldon English (@shrike113) July 2, 2024
Answer:
I do not care about any of that drama at all – nothing is going to stop me from eating as many Nathan’s wieners as possible.
Question, from Olivia on Instagram:
Favorite frozen pizza?
Answer:
My wife and I have probably eaten a million DiGiorno stuffed crust supreme pizzas in our time together.
Question, from E on Instagram:
Whatcha doing for the holiday?
Answer:
I’m going to limit my screen time, have a few cold Steveweisers, enjoy visiting with family, and I’m going to prop my feet for a little bit. Nice and easy.
Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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