Listen, guys – you all know by now that I like to think of myself as somewhat of a foodie. I don’t think I’m qualified to be full-on foodie because I’m very easy to please with the palate of a raccoon. I always say, “just because I say it’s good doesn’t mean it’s actually good,” but even I have to draw the line somewhere. And today, I’m drawing that line right here at the cotton candy burrito that Arizona Cardinals fans will be able to purchase this season.
"Cotton Candy Burritos" are a new addition for #AZCardinals fans this upcoming season at State Farm Stadium.
— Dov Kleiman (@NFL_DovKleiman) August 6, 2024
Thoughts?
(via @CardsMarkD) pic.twitter.com/JMPa4WzIsd
That disgusts me. Who thought this was something we needed? I mean, what is even in that thing? It looks like cotton candy, icing, M&Ms, Fruit Loops, and…is that corn? Surely, that’s not corn. It is the epitome of excess, and I for one will not stand for it. You may say, “Stoney, calm down – it’s just a gimmick.” You may say, “Stoney, put your shirt back on – it would take you 32 hours to drive to State Farm Stadium in your 2006 Nissan Altima avoiding highways to confront these people.” And, you might be right. But, I’m mad! Don’t accuse me of taking this too seriously when the rest of the world is looking at the United States and laughing at our fat asses right now! This is why! This is what makes the rest of the world look at us in disgust! I don’t know what we can charge the Arizona Cardinals with…maybe assault…maybe treason. But, these people should go straight to jail immediately!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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