Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football betting column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.
Stoney’s Picks
Oh, man – my 1-4 week caused us to dip below 50% on the year. I’m ashamed of myself….especially since I was 4-1 on the Best Bet Gauntlet on The Hot Read Podcast. I just can’t have my cake and eat it too. That bottle of Jack Daniel’s has been sitting on my shelf staring at me. I don’t recommend coping with any adversity with alcohol, but just because I don’t recommend it doesn’t mean I won’t do it. I’m on the verge of drinking the entire thing. I’m down bad. I need a win to get this train back on the tracks. The only way to bet your way out of a hole is to keep betting.
- Iowa -2.5 – I like this spot for the Hawkeyes, who have handled business against inferior competition this season. Washington has been a little erratic, they have to travel to Iowa, and bettors risk overreacting to last week’s win over Michigan. I’m backing the Iowa defense.
- BYU -4.5 – The Arizona Wildcats are certainly capable of scoring points, but they’ve been wildly erratic this season. Meanwhile, the Cougars have steadily been one of the most complete and consistent teams in college football. I like them to take advantage of Arizona at home.
- Minnesota -5.5 – The Golden Gophers are scrappy and play a brand of football that travels well. I like ’em to push around a reeling UCLA squad.
- Bills -2.5 – I know one of betting’s golden rules is that teams usually perform well after coaching and quarterback changes, but I just can’t get behind the Jets right now.
- Steelers -3 – The Raiders are a hot mess. The Steelers are a bit better than their record would indicate. That simple.
McCash’s Picks
I am going to go against all the things I believe in and give myself my own nickname for Tank the 401k this year and that is Captain 3-2. Please accept my simple request and refer to me as this when you see me out in the real world.
As I aim to one day be better known as General 5-0, I understand I must work harder to achieve that rank and that climb starts this week.
- Clemson -20.5 The Tigers have rebounded nicely since their crushing defeat to Georgia in Week 1. They are 4-1 ATS in their last 5 and just missed a perfect 5-0 by half a point last week against Florida St. Wake Forest is 2-7-1 ATS in their last 10 so Clemson should easily cover against a struggling Demon Deacons team
- Penn St. -5.5 The trip across the country does give me a bit of a pause and we are approaching the annual ‘Penn St. shoots itself in the foot’ portion of the season but things just feels a bit different this year in Happy Valley. PSU has struggled ATS lately but they were also heavy favorites of 20 or more points in their last four games. I like Penn St. giving up less than a touchdown in this matchup against USC.
- Texas – 14.5 Rivalry game or not the Longhorns have been beating the breaks off of everyone this year and this game against Oklahoma will be no different. Texas looked past Mississippi State last week to this game against the Sooners but wether it’s Manning or Ewers throwing the ball it will be a big win for the Longhorns.
- Ole Miss -3.5 Despite the recent struggles on offense Jaxon Dart and company will right the ship against an LSU defense that hasn’t truly seen an offense like the Rebels this year. The Tigers will keep it close but Ole Miss will have to much talent on offense to allow an LSU upset.
- Houston -7 Tom Brady is not coming through the doors in Foxboro so it doesn’t matter who is at the helm for the Patriots when the Texans come to town. The Texans will show once again why they are the biggest threat to the Chiefs threepeat chances after they wipe the floor with the Patriots.
SEASON STATS
- McCash last week: (3-2)
- McCash’s 2024 W-L: (16-17) – 46.4%
- Stoney last week: (1-4)
- Stoney’s 2024 W-L: (15-15) – 50%
- SoBros last week: (4-6)
- SoBros 2024 W-L: (31-32) – 50.9%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
SoBros Network and Stacking The Inbox have teamed up for the greatest premium content collaboration in the history of Nashville. Get all of the Tennessee Titans and NFL Draft coverage you need on top of premium SoBros Network content such as The Movie Review Rewind Podcast, Sports Punch, and much more! Only $5/month gets you instant access to an exhaustive content library of articles, podcasts, and videos created exclusively for our subscribers! Sign up on Substack today!
