Since it was the Titans bye week, and I didn’t have a catastrophic loss to talk about, and since my wife had been super busy lately as well, we decided to take a few days off and head to the Smoky Mountains to rest and recuperate. That’s a laughable idea if you know my wife, who loves to cram everything there is to do in a town into one day. Really, this trip wasn’t that different, but whereas we usually only stay for a night…maybe two…when we visit Gatlinburg, this time, we had three nights and four days on the books. Thankfully, that stretched our schedule of activities out to the point where I could at least rest my feet every couple of hours or so.
The second weekend in November proved to be quite an odd time to visit Gatlinburg. Sure, it’s still my happy place. I won’t deny that. But, we weren’t too far removed from Halloween, and we were still about seven weeks ahead of Christmas. I was still in autumn mode. I wasn’t quite in the head space to jolt into the holiday spirit. Alas, the machine stops for no man. We made it into town just a day after Winterfest started. Despite my pleas for just five more minutes with fall, it was full-on Christmas mode. The juxtaposition of vibrant orange leaves and Christmas wreaths made for a weird vibe, but it wasn’t enough to throw me off my relaxation game. It was still a delightful excursion and it was every bit the escape from the strife of everyday life that a trip to Gatlinburg has proven to be for me for decades now.
Day 1: Friday, November 7
Since we’re usually on a bit of a time budget, we’ve never really slowed down to take our time getting into town. There’s a wealth of little gift shops, antique malls, and specialty shops that we simply pass by en route to the mountains. I’ve told my wife plenty of times that “one day when we have a few nights in town, I’d like to take some time to visit all these stores we drive by.” This was our opportunity. I had been looking forward to that aspect of the trip from the moment we decided to book our hotel room for three nights.
However, there’s also this little book shop in Crossville called the Book Cellar. As a big time book guy, I’ve always wanted to stop. Aura obliged this time. Since we were in no hurry on vacation time, we opted to sleep in a little bit. We didn’t start the trip until around 9AM central time. By the time we made it to Crossville, it was around 10:30AMish. I don’t know if you guys know this about me, but holy shit can I burn some minutes in a used book store. Throw in a stop at Buc-ee’s, and I’ll say I should’ve known better. We took a lap around Crossville, commenting on what a cute town it is, before making way for Gatlinburg. We hit Exit 407 around 1:30PM. Probably a little later than my wife would’ve liked, and yep…this one’s totally on me. We made our usual stop at Smoky Mountain Knife Works, a tradition my family instilled in me from when I was a child. There’s a little bit of everything in that spot – I’m not even an avid outdoorsmen, but I enjoy a good deal when I see one. Plus, the kitchen section in the bottom is solid, and the Relic Room is always good for an unusual item or two.
Since I took so long in the Book Cellar, we ended up foregoing all the shops and such that I had made such a big deal about stopping at after all because we were trying to get to the Tanger Outlets before dinner. I’d heard through the grapevine that the Yankee Candle outlet still had the old labels and the paraffin wax from before Yankee rebranded their candles to total ass. So, we had to load up while we could. Aura wanted to dip into the Nike store, too. Really, it’s a place where you can spend a lot of time. There’s a shop for everyone in that place. It would’ve taken us the rest of the evening to really explore every store in that place.
We got back in the car and started to drive up into the mountains. But, traffic was terrible. I mean, you always have to be patient when traveling through Pigeon Forge, but this was unusual. Turns out, there was a wreck on the Parkway that was slowing things down by over an hour. As we approached, we began to toss around the idea of checking out the Titanic Museum. Again, we’re used to short trips…so we haven’t done too much exploring out of our usual spots. This was something we agreed that we always wanted to do, but just haven’t made the time to do it. This seemed like a golden opportunity to let the traffic die down and mark something off our to-do list at the same time.
Heads up – admission is about $40 per person unless you’ve got a sick coupon. To me, I was surprised at how satisfied I was with the experience at that price point. It was well worth it in my book. If you’re a history buff, particularly one who just never spent a lot of time studying the story of the Titanic, it’s a gold mine. Our tour was self-guided, so we were able to walk through the museum at our own pace, stopping at every display to appreciate the rarity of an artifact or to learn a story about someone who was on board the ship. When you walk in, they hand you a card that has a person’s name and their story about how they ended up on the Titanic. By the end of the tour, you get to find out whether your person survived or not. Sounds morbid, but it was a nice touch – I kept looking for my guy in stories throughout the museum. It is a thorough…and I mean thorough…tour. At one point, we even got to put our hands in water that was the same temperature as the ocean was on that fateful night. All in all, we spent an hour and a half or so on it, and we could’ve spent longer. After the tour, we were sure to stop by the ice cream shop, where we could pick up a hot apple cider and hot chocolate for the road.
And, then – hey! Once we were ready to go, the traffic really hadn’t died down at all! Oh well. Waze took us the back roads to Gatlinburg, which was an adventure in its own right. Those winding roads at night up through the mountains can make one feel quite timorous. Nonetheless, we persisted. It wasn’t our final destination, but it was our last stop before it – one of our favorites: Smoky Mountain Brewery. It’s one of the handful of spots that we make sure to visit every time we’re in town. Personally, I’ve found that it hits quite profoundly as a first stop…a welcome to the mountains after a few hours on the road, sitting in traffic. That night, we pigged out – potato skins, wings, and I got a Thunder Road burger.
On our way back to the car, I wanted to peek in the leather shop next door that was already closed for the evening. I cupped my hands over the window and peered in. When I pulled them down, I just happened to notice a blur about 10 feet to my life. You know how your brain tries to make sense of things that don’t quite make sense in the moment? I remember thinking, “oh, cool – a bear!” Then, I turned my head and looked and realized “oh fuck, THAT’S A BEAR!” I calmly turned to my wife and said “don’t run, but we gotta head back inside to the brewery.”
The bear wasn’t much interested in us. If he was, he had ample opportunity to gut me like a fish. No, he was far more interested in nosing through the trash at the brewery. We realized he wasn’t following us, but I still alerted the patrons awaiting their tables in front of the brewery. Luckily, the workers at the brewery acted like they’d been there before. Someone walked out banging a pot and ran the bear off.
I love the demeanor. That bear is still in no hurry…just walking off like “alright, alright – I’m leaving.” It was an immediate reminder to always keep your head on a swivel in the mountains. After that experience, we made it to our hotel, The Park Vista, and crashed after a long day of traveling.
Day 2: Saturday, November 8
To this day, I’m still not sure that either of us accurately envisioned what a long and tiring day this would end up being. Because my wife hates me, she set our alarms for 5AM on “vacation.” The plan? We were going to beat the rush out to Cades Cove and catch the sunrise there. For good reason, it’s a beautiful place at any time of the year. But, in the fall? Even if we just barely missed peak leaf-peepin’ season (though I still swear we only missed it by a couple days!), it’s still breathtaking. It was ultimately a success!
We were both quite pleased to learn that another of our favorite spots, The Donut Friar, opened at 5AM. It was as if it was open solely for the brave souls venturing into the park at dawn to find the perfect spot to watch the sun rise. Coffee and donuts in hand, we began the hour and a half journey out to Cades Cove. We couldn’t help but notice how delightful the main strip was at 5:30AM…no cars on the road, the street still illuminated by Christmas lights. It was tranquil. We pulled up towards three trash cans that had been knocked over. Aura joked, “must’ve been a bear.” Lo and behold, when we got closer, we realized that wasn’t actually a joke. The culprit bolted upon the sight of our headlights, but still…we hadn’t been in town 24 hours and had two up-close encounters with a bear. I was beginning to think it was an omen that I was going to be eaten by one that weekend.
Driving through Smoky Mountain National Park in pitch black conditions was a little unnerving, I’ll say. A feeling of isolation creeps in once the lights of Gatlinburg disappear from the rearview mirror. I’ve done too many episodes of Phone It In to feel comfortable alone in the woods, especially in a National Park (iykyk). But, it was a peaceful ride nonetheless. Minute by minute, daylight began to break. I could see the sky lighten between the trees, from pitch black to a pale dark purple. Trees part above the river, and it allowed a little light to get through, illuminating the water as the current carried it. It was beautiful. Day officially broke by the time we were about two miles out of Cades Cove. We couldn’t have timed it any better.
The only problem? A dense fog settled in the valley. For the first couple of hours we were there, we couldn’t even see the mountains. Oh well – it’s still a beautiful place, and you can’t be disappointed as long as you’re breathing that fresh mountain air. Several other travelers had the same idea as us. I wish I could say we had the place to ourselves, but there were dozens of others who were on the same wavelength. Still, it was far less crowded than it usually is, affording us the luxury of being able to take our time through the scenic loop. We even parked and walked around on several occasions. By the time we finished the trail, it was approaching 10AM and we were starving. We noticed the line of traffic waiting to get into the loop and felt justified in our decision to get up so early. But, at the moment, the more pressing matter was finding breakfast.
During our last overnighter out east, Aura and I discovered Townsend for the first time. It’s right there a few miles away from Cades Cove, so it’s the perfect spot to regroup after a morning spent in the park. They call it the “peaceful side of the Smokies,” and that’s a fitting moniker, for sure. It seems like every time we visit Gatlinburg, I complain about more and more people causing crowds to grow larger and larger. The traffic is bad, and every spot is stuffed with people. I commented to Aura, “we might want to stay over here in Townsend on the next trip in order to actually relax.” I don’t know how well that was received, but I’ll have to lean into the town’s proximity to Cades Cove for my sales pitch. We parked at Apple Valley Cafe, where I got a plate of hearty biscuits and gravy and a side of sausage for about $10. You just can’t beat it.
The fog had dissipated and the sun was shining brightly over the mountains. It was a beautiful morning for a drive. I love the trail from Townsend up through Wears Valley (which is on my list to explore next – lots of interesting little restaurants and antique shops along the road), so we took it and headed towards Pigeon Forge. We rode up the strip since the traffic had kept us from doing so the night before, and we ventured back up into the mountains with the goal of exploring Gatlinburg’s art district in mind. We had driven around what is officially known as the Great Smoky Arts & Craft Community several times, but it was one of those things we never really made time to stop and see. This trip afforded us that time, so we were going to take advantage! It’s such an awesome spot – I mean, sure, you do have to be arts and crafts inclined to enjoy it, but there’s a myriad of options…from antiques and books to paintings and birdhouses and everything in between, it is the perfect place to seek out something specially made with an artisan touch.
We spent about an hour perusing the shops before we drove back to The Park Vista to shower up and catch a quick rest. Refreshed and ready for lunch, we stopped by the hotel bar, a favorite of ours in its own right (always a good cocktail, always something good on the beer list, and good apps). We got a plate of wings and a plate of onion rings to hold us over until dinner. We needed a little fuel because we were still a little sluggish and had another journey into the park ahead of us. If we left Gatlinburg around 4PM, we could make it Kuwohi to watch the sun set. That’s right – we were going to watch the sun rise at one point..the sun set at another. But, if you’ve never been to Kuwohi (formerly known as Clingmans Dome), it is absolutely the perfect sunset spot in the Smokies.
I don’t recall the last time I felt as tired as I did that night. On the roughly a-little-over-an-hour-drive back to town, Aura and I were weighing our options for dinner. She quite cynically stated, “no matter where we go, there’s going to be an hour wait.” She was right. But, we didn’t want to pay for parking either. We were growing increasingly frustrated with the shoulder-to-shoulder people traffic, and it finally hit me that we just needed to go crash. I pleaded with her, “let’s just eat at the hotel.” Once I said it aloud, she agreed. Oddly enough, the cheeseburger I had at the Park Vista restaurant was one of the highlights of my weekend. That thing was cooked to perfection. I might’ve snuck in a few more games of tape, but we certainly didn’t last long after dinner. We were both snoring before we knew it – in bed by 9PM on a Saturday night. This is 39.
Day 3: Sunday, November 9
We slept until 9AM. I couldn’t believe it. I honestly couldn’t tell you the last time I slept that late. We managed to hit a window in Donut Friar traffic. The early rush had subsided, but we hopped in line right before the line filled out. A sweet, sweet Sunday morning victory. We dined at a table out on the pavilion, got some quality people watching in, and mapped out our morning. There was a winter weather advisory in place, and we were beginning to worry about the prospects of driving home Monday morning in the snow. We opted to keep an eye on it and go on about our morning. Two days in and we had largely avoided the main strip in Gatlinburg, but I wanted some pipe tobacco and the best spot in town for it resides in the Mountain Mall: the Gatlin-Burlier Tobacconists. I left my pipe and all my tobacco at home, so I ended up leaving the shop with a new pipe…a treat for myself since it was vacation. I like the Mountain Mall! It’s an underrated spot – almost never crowded and has some fun shops in it.
I could tell Aura was worried about the drive home. The day progressed and we eventually decided to cut our stay short. Thankfully, The Park Vista was understanding and offered top notch customer service (shout out to Ronnie), empowering us to get out of town safely. We were bummed to cut the trip short, and we weren’t even certain at the time it was the right decision. We’d eventually wake up Monday morning and see that Gatlinburg got nothing….but that stretch of I40 West out by Monterey that we’d have to pass to get back home to Mount Juliet? That was a different story. We would’ve been, at best, stuck…at worst, in a ditch had we stayed that final night. The roads were treacherous, so we took comfort in knowing that we made the right decision.
But, from a timeline perspective, we were still far away from the arrival of inclement weather. We had time and we still had things we wanted to do before we left for home. For one, Aura was bound and determined to have a nice dinner. For all of the trips we’ve made up there, we almost always end up at The Cherokee Grill. This time, she wanted to try something new. We’ve heard about Howard’s Restaurant for years, but never made the effort to try it. That was something else that was going to change on this trip! Her plan was to go on down into Pigeon Forge for a couple of things I’ll get to shortly…then drive BACK up into Gatlinburg for dinner. Then, we’d turn around and head back for the highway. I told her we should just switch it up…let’s eat lunch at Howard’s, head to Pigeon Forge, and then get going home…much more efficient! She asked, “are we crazy for getting steak for lunch?” Maybe we were….but that’s not what I told her. I answered with a resounding “no.”
So fancy lunch it was! I ordered a seasonal old fashioned that was made with brown sugar and cinnamon while garnished with a sprig of rosemary and a cinnamon stick. As an appetizer, we ordered the fried mushrooms, which, when they arrived, amassed approximately five pounds. They were delicious, but there was absolutely no way we were going to finish it all. We both ordered filets, which were solid. For our sides, I went with mashed potatoes with gravy and bourbon maple carrots. Aura got fries and the teriyaki vegetables. We were absolutely stuffed and it was just 1PM. I don’t know – I might recommend fancy lunch every once in awhile. The sensation was akin to early dinner, which I’m a strong advocate for.
With full bellies, we said goodbye to Gatlinburg for this trip. As set as my wife was on a nice meal, I was equally as set on playing the new Scooby-Doo Mystery Putt mini-golf course. Its opening has been a hot topic of discussion on many a Smoky Mountain Facebook page, but one of the courses had opened just a few days prior to our arrival in town. Success! We’d get to play the course after all. The price tag was a bit steep – $43 for two golfers. But, the course was worth the wait. It was a ton of fun, and it spoke to that nostalgic kid inside me who grew up watching Scooby-Doo and the show’s catalog of iconic villains.
From there, our last item on the checklist was another of our favorites: The Old Mill in Pigeon Forge. We shopped at the pottery store. We perused the candy shop, and ended up coming away with buckeyes, chocolate covered Oreos, a coconut cluster, and a caramel-dipped marshmallow that I nearly choked on in the car on the way home. Our favorite store is the kitchen store, though. The dip mixes, sauces, and soup mixes are top notch. We always stock up and this trip was no different – corn chowder, gingerbread dip mix, and a couple of other packets of something I don’t even remember. We’ve already housed the corn chowder (I dice up a chicken breast, season it, and add it to the soup). The gingerbread dip is going to make for a hell of a snack on a cold December afternoon.
Around the corner from The Old Mill lies an awesome pet shop, the Smoky Mountain Cat House. Since we discovered it, we’ve stopped on every trip to pick up a few goodies for our furry friends back home. One way to earn your cat’s trust is to bring it back a new toy after you’ve left home for a few days. Make it think that you’re a good hunter – you’ve gone out to procure goods and delivered on that promise. Anyway, we made one more stop – the Buc-ee’s at Exit 407 – and then it was smooth sailing to Mount Juliet. We were back home, back to the routine, by 9:30PM.
I once had a theory that four days and three nights was the perfect amount of time to spend in the mountains. This trip proved my theory right. Even though we skipped out on that final night, I could see the vision. Sunday would’ve been our evening to relax, maybe chill out by the hot tub, and then by midday on Monday, I would’ve been fully recuperated and ready to come home. Gatlinburg is absolutely stunning in the fall, and it’s a dreamland during the holidays. Those first couple of weekends in November may be a bit of a no man’s land between zones. So, if you’re a Scrooge, maybe bump the arrival date up a week and you’ll dodge all the Christmas stuff. Or, if you’re an early adopter of the Christmas season, go nuts. Regardless, the majesty of the Smoky Mountains is unmatched – the park is one of the most relaxing places near Nashville. Every trip is a firm reminder of why the slogan reads “the mountains are calling.” There’s something about them that certainly does.
Places Mentioned
- The Book Cellar
- Smoky Mountain Knife Works
- Tanger Outlets
- Titanic Museum
- Smoky Mountain Brewery
- The Donut Friar
- Cades Cove
- Apple Valley Cafe
- Great Smoky Arts & Crafts Community
- The Park Vista
- Kuwohi
- Gatlin-Burlier Tobacconist
- Howard’s Restaurant
- Scooby-Doo Mystery Putt
- Smoky Mountain Cat House
- The Old Mill
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, second on Football & Other F Words, analyst for Stacking The Inbox, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, the NFL Draft, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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