I don’t always remember Nashville being as weird as it’s gotten lately. Earlier in the week, we heard about a dude flinging shit all over Kid Rock’s Big Ass Honkyfuck and Stankhouse. Now, we have a story about some weirdos shining lasers into the cockpits of planes as the descend into town over BNA. Is it just me? Or, is it like the more popular Nashville gets, the weirder it gets? I’m only 34 – so maybe there’s a weird Nashville in history that I just don’t know about. Like, I can remember when I was a kid, my dad told me a story about a man approaching him down in East Nasty, when he had a sign shop there across the street from Hunter’s, who pulled a soggy bologna sandwich out of the front of his pants and tried to sell it to my dad for a dollar. That used to be my gold standard for weirdness in the city, but we’re well passed that now.
Courtesy of our friends at WKRN:
Green lasers pointed into the cockpit of aircrafts has become a growing trending in Nashville. So much so, the FAA is now asking for the public’s help in finding suspects who purposefully violate regulations.
A “growing trend,” huh? Not just once, but someone out there has turned this dangerous game into a hobby. One time, I was at Two Rivers Park, and I had this real hankerin’ to turn loose of the balloon I was holding. Don’t know why, but I hadn’t done it since I was a kid, and I just wanted to see how high that motherfucker would go. I said aloud, “man, I really wanna turn this thing loose and just watch drift into infinity,” when my boy Stephen said, “dude we’re near the airport. You shouldn’t do that.” Ever since, I was terrified of putting anything into the sky near the airport. So, I can’t imagine having the nerve to shine a fucking laser DIRECTLY into the cockpit of a plane trying to land. That’s just absurd. It’s hurtful. It’s dumb. I think that whenever they figure out who’s doing this, they should strap them in a chair and shine a laser directly into their eyes until they literally melt. My goodness, that was graphic. I’m sorry. I just get real bent out of shape when people don’t follow the rules.
Also, as weird as it may sound, we do have to address the possibility that these are actual aliens. I know. I don’t want to believe it either. But, we have to be thorough in our research.
The FAA is now encouraging members of the community to report anyone who intentionally points a laser into an aircraft. The penalty can go up to a $11,000 fine per violation.
You better believe that if I find out who you are, I’m reporting your ass as soon as possible. I’m so disgusted by you weird fucks. Who even plays with lasers anymore? I’ll tell you who. My cat. My damn cat plays with lasers. And, you know what? Bucky ain’t trying to take down any airplanes.
Also, nice try, Mount Juliet, but Kid Rock’s Bigass Honkyfuck and Stankhouse remains the mecca of Nashville weirdness, at least for another week.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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