If you’re still on the fence about whether or not celebrities and the elite reside on a completely different plane of existence, boy do I have the story for you. The last year has been incredibly tough on a lot of folks – we’ve lost loved ones, we’ve lost our jobs, our livelihoods. And, for some reason, these celebrities felt compelled to share just what a rough time they were having, too. Remember all the live streams from big cushy mansions? Millionaires who didn’t have to sweat a single paycheck offering “comfort” to us poor folks for everything going on? Yeah – *gag*. Well, things got so dark, and so low, for Gwyneth Paltrow, that she *gasp* ate some fucking bread and pasta.
In the latest celebrity attempt to prove they had it just as hard as normal people in the pandemic, Gwyneth Paltrow has admitted she was driven to extremes during quarantine.
Things got dark. She admitted to drinking as many as two cocktails a night during lockdown (quinoa-based whiskey cocktails, of course); and even sometimes eating bread and pasta – shock, horror!
Well, if this is an example, then things get dark and I am driven to extremes every day, quarantine or not. I don’t know what the aim here was. Was she trying to make a joke? Surely, she knows this isn’t going to be well-received by literally anyone except for dick joke bloggers who will jump on the chance to write about this bullshit. I mean, people lost loved ones, they lost their jobs, etc., and you’re just like “omfg I ATE BREAD!” If your goal was to make me hate Gwyneth Paltrow with a vengeance, The Guardian, then congrats – you succeeded in spades. This is probably the least relatable thing I’ve ever read in my life. I’m known for my legendary hyperbole, but I think this time, I might actually mean it. “Having a breakdown” and eating bread seems like such a foreign concept to me. It’s an illustration of just how disconnected some of these people are from reality. Is that The Guardian’s goal? Is The Guardian single-handedly trying to sow the seeds of revolution? The Guardian…online publication…is trying to get us to rise up against the wealthy elite. I’m kinda here for it.
Quick note: I would also make fun of quinoa whiskey, but I actually had some at the Corsair brewstillery here in Nashville and it was actually phenomenal.
I make my jokes because it’s my disposition to mask my concern/pessimism with humor. Just call me Barenaked Ladies because I’m the kinda guy that laughs at a funeral. Anyway, this tweet hit me hard, y’all:
That Guardian Gwyneth Paltrow story is super relevant because it highlights the different universes, not worlds, the elite live in.
— Shiv Ramdas (@nameshiv) May 10, 2021
In 2020, for 99% of the planet, breaking down =emotional collapse at loss of loved one, livelihood, home.
For Paltrow it meant eating bread.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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