Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter, email ’em to me anonymously at thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com. And, holy shit, I need to update this terrible intro paragraph that I’ve been using literally ever since I started writing this column…
Question:
Unsure if anyone’s asked recently but: what 2 Olympic events would you remove, which 2 events would you add?
— Tom Hanks & the Guilty Pleasures (@SoBroCadbury) August 5, 2021
Answer:
Man, I’m not even entirely sure of all the Olympic events that do exist. The other day, I was watching some horses running around and jumping over shit and about 10 minutes in, I realized “holy shit this is the Olympics.” I say that to simply illustrate that I can’t give a complete and thorough answer, but it’s never stopped me from trying before. So, off the top of my head, I’m going to go with 3-on-3 basketball and beach handball. How on Earth did 3-on-3 basketball get added to the Olympics anyway? Where on Earth is that the standard? Are we just making up rules now? Can we just make up an event and add it? How about 5-on-5 tennis? Similarly, we already have handball, and handball is cool as shit – don’t get me wrong, but why do we need it on the beach too? Why is it so important to make that distinction? And, again, can we just play any sport on the beach and make it a separate event? How about beach archery?
The two events I would add would be cornhole and beer pong, easily. Though, I will say that they need to bring bowling back to the Olympics.
Question:
What two celebrities, living or dead, would choose to have a fight to the death?
— brett the despondent cubs fan (@thebrettclark) August 5, 2021
Answer:
Man, there are a few different ways to approach this question, and I love it when I get questions like this. One, I can say, “alright – who’s the most annoying celebrity out there that we might actually enjoy to watch die?” Yikes – we got really dark there in a hurry on this question. Actually, yeah – that’s too dark, even for me, so I’m going to go in another direction. “What would make for a really good, knockdown drag-out fight?”
Obviously, excluding professional, trained fighters from the celebrity discussion, I’m going to go with Jason Statham in one corner because he’s a legit badass. In the other corner, I’m going with Danny Trejo, who is also a bona fide tough guy. Those two would put on an absolutely WILD show.
Question:
What cartoon character could get it? pic.twitter.com/9bH9yaJJOv
— Steven McCash (@MC_Cash75) August 5, 2021
Answer:
Oh, I don’t even have to blink, this one’s so easy. Gotta be Daphne from Scooby-Doo. She might’ve actually been my first celebrity crush now that I think about it…
Question:
When is the Inaugural SoBros Pickle Ball tournament? I hear it’s all the rage these days.
— Patrick Criswell (@PatCrizzy) August 6, 2021
Answer:
Pickleball is another sport that should probably be in the Olympics if they’re going to just let everything else in. I never really understood the game until I went to play tennis at a park in New Jersey and walked by a group of old people absolutely gettin’ it. I never realized how intense it could be, and I have no idea how to play, but I’m in. I’m all the way in on this one.
Question:
Someone said that their hot take was that Neon Moon is the best country song of the 90s and the more I think about it, that might actually be true. What’s your pick?
— Steve (@NotDrDeath) August 4, 2021
Answer:
So, Steve didn’t actually ask me this, but Brett followed up in the comments to say this should count as a mailbag question, so I’m going to run with Brett’s suggestion. This is a tough one – to a guy born in 1986, that 90s run of country music is about as good as it gets. I hate today’s country, so this is about the only stuff I can listen to these days. This actually turned into a full-on discussion amongst the SoBros team in our private chat, and I’m actually working on compiling everyone’s answers into a top 50, but the group vote landed on ‘Strawberry Wine,’ though personally, my answer is ‘Don’t Take the Girl.’
Question, from Kevin on Instagram:
When do PSLs come back to the coffee shops?!? Give me a date with an over/under.
Answer:
Every year, it seems to drop sooner and sooner – I can remember a couple of years ago, it was the end of August. So, I’m going to set the over/under at 8/22. BUT, I got a little tippy tip for you, Kevin – a lot of the Starbucks will get the pumpkin spice a couple of weeks before the PSLs go on sale. If your local barista likes you, you might be able to talk ’em into getting you one sooner than they hit the stores. I don’t know about you, but I’m 1,020,000% ready for pumpkin spiced everything.
Question, from Samo on Instagram:
When will the Detroit Lions make it to the post season?
Answer:
I love this question. I wouldn’t get my hopes up any time soon. Dan Campbell signed a six-year contract to serve as head coach for a reason – given the state of that roster, I’d say it’s going to take every bit of four years to become a contender. Jared Goff is in at quarterback, but I don’t know that you’re hitching the wagon to him longterm. This draft class appeared to be about rebuilding in the trenches, which in my opinion, is a smart move. That offensive line has a ton of talent, and there are some pieces to be excited about on the defensive line as well. So, the focus in the next few classes should be on finding the quarterback of the future, and adding weapons around ’em. That’s going to take some time. Campbell is an excellent culture guy, but I have my reservations about him from an Xs and Os standpoint. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him stabilize the franchise a bit after Matt Patricia left it in shambles, but I don’t think we’ll really find out what this staff is all about until they get to pick their quarterback and get at least two draft classes under their belt. Not to mention, that division is competitive between the Packers, Vikings, and a Bears team that I’m high on because of the addition of Justin Fields. Like I said, give it about four years and check back with me.
Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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