Bullet Train Was a Parade of Badass Characters Oozing Machismo

Spoilers galore in this post, folks! So, if you don’t want to have this charismatic Brad Pitt action explosion ruined for you, now is your chance to stop reading, back out of this post, go see Bullet Train, and then come back to us here. We’re talking about a movie that is a parade of veritable badass characters that is oozing machismo. It’s an understatement to say this film has a simple plot – maybe the more accurate phrasing would be to say the premise is pretty simple and straightforward. “Guy on train fights off a bunch of assassins” sounds easy enough, but when you really get this train rolling (ha!), the plot that unfolds is littered with twists, turns, and cheesy comedic dialogue. Allow me to dig into what I did and didn’t thoroughly enjoy about this flick.

Bullet Train Spoilers Below

All in all, I’d say I liked it. I liked it a lot, and it’s a movie I’d say you should turn your brain off and enjoy with a few adult beverages, but not so many that you can’t keep up with what’s going on. As a matter of fact, Bullet Train was pretty damn close to being one of my favorite movies of the year, but there were just a few nitpicks I had that definitely hampered my enjoyment of it as it wore on. Namely, I don’t know how many of the flashback scenes were necessary to get us to where we were going. They contributed more towards the movie feeling a little too stuffed. By the time the train literally goes off the rails, I’m a little tired and ready to go home. I didn’t like that they revealed Sandra Bullock in one of the trailers – if you paid attention, it tipped Bullet Train‘s hand in that Pitt’s character makes it to the end. The more unpredictable, the better, I say. Finally, I get that the Thomas the Tank Engine references served a pretty big purpose by the movie’s end. But, they really beat you over the head with the Thomas jokes. It got under my skin just enough for me to squint, but not fully roll my eyes. But, all of these things hit me like a ton of bricks at the end of the movie.

Everything that preceded that was an action-packed thrill ride that felt like the product of a wild orgy between Smokin’ Aces, Seven Psychopaths, Gunpowder Milkshake, and Knives Out. While, as I clarified earlier, the premise for this movie was pretty simple, the plot was loaded with twists and turns along the way. I loved how they used certain props as plot points and pivoted around them. The intricacies of such a fun plot made the lack of character development forgivable in my book. It gave us something else…something shiny…to look at instead. The violence in this movie was pretty creative, and felt like Hunter S. Thompson writing John Wick.

I know everyone will see this and agree that Pitt delivers quintessential Pitt in this movie, and his star power is no doubt captivating. He made it look easy with that effortless charisma and charm that seems to glow around the man. It’s his movie, right? Not so fast, my friend. To me, it was Aaron Taylor-Johnson who stole the show as Tangerine. I mean, this man was stylish, macho, and witty – straight out of a Guy Ritchie flick. We all know that Bullet Train is the Brad Pitt show, but can I at least be a little bit contrarian and suggest maybe Taylor-Johnson is the MVP? No? You sure? Okay, I’ll sit back down.

I left the Regal out in Providence (Mount Juliet) thinking, “man, this was really close to being something really good in the same vein as some of those movies I’ve mentioned before. That said, I thought it was a blast. So, I was more than a little surprised to see the critic response for this one. This bad boy is currently sitting at 54% on Rotten Tomatoes. Am I just a simpleton who is easily amused by charismatic men who speak eloquently and with wit? Actually, don’t answer that.

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Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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