Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football betting column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.
STEVEN’S PICKS
Technically I went 2-3 last week instead of 1-4 because Memphis was actually catching 5 points not giving them up. Once they were up 17-0 I thought it wasn’t going to matter, but in true 2022 fashion, the Tigers coughed up another big lead to lose in overtime but still covered the +5 line. It is obvious I am hitting that point in life where I need some assistance in reading the fine print, so bear with me while I put on my glasses and look for some winners this week. I am not going to waste peoples time with my unnecessary in-depth analysis and instead just jump right to the meat of it all
- Ole Miss ML – The Rebels don’t need no stinking points in Baton Rouge.
- Cincinnati -3.5
- TCU -3.5
- Titans -2.5 – Lock of the millennium. Coach Vrabel is undefeated after the bye week. The streak continues.
- Atlanta +6.5 The Falcons have covered ATS every game this season and are surprising everyone as they sit at 3-3 overall.
STONEY’S PICKS
Alright, guys – we’re back. Not BACK back, I should say, but we’ve at least stopped the bleeding off of one of the worst runs of my gambling career. 3-2 ain’t necessarily pretty, but it’s a win, and if you’ve been on this train with me, then you know how bad we needed every win we could get. So, let’s keep this thing going!
- LSU -1.5 – Oh boy…another week, and another match-up where I’m going head-to-head against McCash! I think the crux of this bet, and where you’re placing your money, depends on whether or not you’re buying in on Ole Miss as a legit contender in the SEC. This is their first real test – I’m not counting that Kentucky game because the Wildcats were down Will Levis. It was Chris Rodriguez’s first game back. It took Kentucky turning the ball over or coming up dry in three straight red zone possessions for Ole Miss to survive that one. This LSU team is starting to come together under Brian Kelly with Jayden Daniels coming off of his best game of the season. I like the Tigers in this one (even if that number has been bet up to two at your preferred sportsbook).
- Oregon -6 – Fair warning: whether the picks made Tank the 401k or not, I don’t remember, but I’ve been burned twice by betting against UCLA this season (though I did win some monies on that South Alabama cover). I just think the way this Oregon offensive line is playing right now, they are going to be able to push the Bruins back all game long. I think this is going to be a “sustained drive” kind of game for the Ducks (so maybe take the under, too?) because it’s where they can be the most effective AND because it gives UCLA fewer chances on offense. They’re at home. They have Bo Nix playing the best football of his career. What’s not to like?
- Texas -6.5 – I expect the Longhorns defense to make the Cowboys a little one-dimensional. Between the Texas secondary, and Spencer Sanders battling a shoulder injury, I don’t think Oklahoma State will be able to push the ball down the field. On the other side of the ball, I think this is going to be a big Bijan Robinson game (three tuddies).
- Texas A&M -3 – McCash damn near had me turned around on this game when we talked about it on this week’s College Football Roundup. But, when I dug into the match-up a bit, I came back to my gut feeling that the Aggies are going to win this one with a late field goal to cover, 24-20. South Carolina’s schedule has been baby shit soft outside of that Kentucky game, and maybe my evaluation of Kentucky is off, but they caught a lot of wind in their sails with that game. It was the perfect storm, and I’m not calling it a fluke, but I don’t think it’s indicative of who this team really is. A&M’s defense is going to capitalize on Spencer Rattler’s propensity to throw picks and generally play like ass.
- Giants +3 – The Giants just keep covering this season, and while I know bettors are going to look at the injury report and see Saquon Barkley and Andrew Thomas on it and panic. But, I love the way this Giants team is built, and the composure it has developed under Brian Daboll. Daniel Jones is leading the NFL in game-winning drives. Daniel Bellinger and Wan’Dale Robinson are starting to come on in this offense, and the defense is holding offenses like the Packers and Ravens in check. This defensive front is built to take advantage of offenses playing sloppy football, and folks, just look at the last few Jags games. This one’s my pick for ‘upset of the week.’
SEASON STATS
- Steven last week: (2-3)
- Steven’s 2021 W-L: (16-22) – 42.1%
- Stoney last week: (3-2)
- Stoney’s 2022 W-L: (17-21-1) – 44.7%
- SoBros last week: (5-5) – 50%
- SoBros 2022 W-L: (33-43-1) – 43.4%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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