Who da ho? You da ho? Idaho. That’s right. Idaho. That’s the site of our latest installment of the War on Humans (trademark pending), as the animal kingdom continues to invade civilization in an effort to take back the world, the entire planet Earth, from human beings. I have been on the frontlines of this story for the better part of seven years now, ever since we discovered raccoons riding feral hogs on trail cams. No other institution of high journalism is reporting on this secret war, one that has been brewing over the last decade. Only SoBros Network. I’m the only soul brave enough to actually comment on it. And, today, we have another disturbing development. Apparently, alligators are now being discovered in Idaho, which is *checks notes* not the typical place you’d find an alligator.
A person walking their dog in rural Idaho was in for quite a surprise when they encountered an alligator, hundreds of miles from the coast where the reptiles are usually found.
I’m not buying that this was just somebody’s “pet” that got loose. That’s what they want you to think! They’re just trying to quell the panic that would arise if the general public was to learn that 3.5-foot alligators were starting to invade the Pacific Northwest. They can’t have people taking up arms and going out in Idaho to hunt these alligators. But, the situation must be dire if aquatic life is beginning to populate land, which is not its natural environment. To me, this is troubling for a couple of reasons, but the main one is that alligators should not be seen on land ever. They swim. When you swim, that means you’re in water. So, what’s next? Are sharks going to just get out of the ocean and start storming the beaches?!?! What biological advances have we been so buried in social media that we’ve missed? That is the question that we should all be asking because the implications are harrowing. What’s going to happen if we have to end up engaging killer whales on the battlefield!? We won’t stand a chance!
What’s really going on here? My most likely guess? This particular alligator was an operative for other alligators. They sent this gator in to gain intelligence on the Idaho region to help them determine how easily they’d be able to claim the state. That’s the only thing that makes sense in this situation. Not only are water creatures taking our land, but they’ve also built out an entire network of spies and espionage. This is a concerning development in this Cold War, folks. A concerning development indeed.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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