Since I was voted as the runner-up for Best Columnist in the Nashville Scene’s ‘Best of Nashville’ Awards in 2020, I have realized that I am quite the influential tastemaker. I have realized that there are thousands of people, maybe even millions, around the world who want to live life just like me so that they can get closer to realizing their dreams of being a degenerate blogger on the internet. To help these people inch slightly closer to their dreams of being just like me, I decided to put a list together of all of the brands and items that define me. Of course, you could say brands and items don’t define people, but honestly, that’s just something losers say. It’s not very capitalist of you, and we all know that if you aren’t a capitalist in this society, you simply will not get ahead. You are welcome for all of the success that is about to come your way by adhering to the items on this vision board.
The Stoney Keeley Vision Board
- Yankee Candle – You have to set an atmosphere for success. That includes fragrance. Make yourself feel one with your environment with Yankee Candle.
- Better Homes & Gardens – Visualization is key. Can I afford to perform all of the renovations that I see in Better Homes & Gardens magazine? Absolutely not. But, can I visualize that? Yes. Yes I can. And, then I can cook some of the recipes in the back to unwind a bit.
- Tennessee Titans – Being a Titans fan builds character. I don’t care what anyone says.
- Literature – Big time literature guy. Read lots of books. Ray Bradbury, Ernest Hemingway, Carl Hiaasen, Tim Dorsey, Stephen King, and Hunter S. Thompson all take up prime real estate on my book shelf.
- Harry’s – Smell good, feel good…I believe that is the saying. Harry’s has the best quality body wash on the market for its price point.
- Pilot G2s – The greatest pen ever invented will surely set you up for success.
- Tobacco pipe – It’s not good for you, but you’ll look distinguished. And, it smells better than any other form of smoke.
- Real notebooks – Hand write stuff. It feels better.
- Old Spice – The original if you can still find it. Classic man scent. It ages gracefully. It will make you feel timeless.
- Panda Express – Bigger plate with chow mein, orange chicken, Beijing beef, and kung pao chicken. Add two egg rolls. That’s the move. I didn’t get to almost 300 pounds eating like a baby.
- Tubi – It’s underrated. Support the underdog. One of the most stacked collections of movies in streaming.
- Starbucks – It’s basic, but it’s fuel.
- Electric Tea Kettle – You still have to take time to unwind at the end of the day, and an electric tea kettle with some quality leaves will achieve that quicker than anything else.
- Hawaiian shirts – Be different. Express yourself through various patterns.
- Sweatpants – The tighter, the better. Let that dickprint establish dominance.
- Criterion Collection – Don’t be a bitch and start your collection with Drive My Car.
- Peeps – Every social circle needs a Peeps guy in it.
- Frontier Soups – become a soup collector. They’re hard to find. An authentic original, if you will.
Good luck out there, future ambitious Stoneys.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, second on Football & Other F Words, analyst for Stacking The Inbox, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, the NFL Draft, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
Elsewhere on the SoBros Network: Check out Stacking The Inbox for premium coverage of the Tennessee Titans and NFL Draft. Subscribe to Nashville Movie Dispatch for all of our movie content. We get weird on Phone It In, the history podcast that explores legendary tales, important historical figures, and events.
