It’s that time of the week again. Let’s get those grievances off our chests.
Rubber Rooster
I used to be shocked whenever the news reported that a pedestrian was hit and killed by a car. Now that I’ve moved to East Nashville, it makes perfect sense. I’ve never seen so many people with absolutely zero regard for their life.
One night, I was approaching a stop light that was green for me. Now, this stop light is only there for a pedestrian crosswalk. The only reason it ever turns red is to let people cross. It was not red, it was green. About 20 feet from this crosswalk, two men wearing all black are slowly dawdling across the street. Of course this causes me to stomp on my brakes and of course they’re still walking slow as molasses.
Part of me applauds their sense of trust in other human beings. How in the ever-living-fuck could you possibly trust some of these drivers? Drivers that text, don’t pay attention, and crash into buildings… not only are you trusting them to see you but have the reaction time necessary to keep you alive. I’ve seen a group of women ambling across a street at night that were holding up traffic both ways outside of a crosswalk. I’ve seen teenagers cross literally right in front of a speeding taxi (the most aggressive drivers, btw). They were at a cross walk, but they didn’t have the signal to cross and these little shits made hostile gestures to the driver. I’ve seen people standing in the middle lane waiting for a break in rush hour traffic, instead of walking to the crosswalk. I’ve seen a woman do that with a damn baby stroller!
This isn’t Asia, get the fuck out of the road. Get to a crosswalk. Look both ways before crossing. Pick up those knees and fucking hustle. Because pedestrians do not always have the right of way and maybe I don’t see you in time. I’m not sure it’s possible to still feel badass and entitled when my station wagon sends you flying.
Stoney Keeley (@StoneyKeeley)
I hate to bash my own people this week, but I feel it necessary after the day’s travel out to San Francisco. I get that sports’ major function in society is to provide a break from day-to-day trials and tribulations, unite people, and be our disconnect when reality sucks. By that token, yeah, I try not to take sports seriously (people that know me are rolling their eyes right now).
I love sports – but I certainly don’t hate people that root for teams that I don’t. That being said, I’m taking something way too seriously this week.
I’m looking at you, Alabama “fans.”
Sure, I’m more than what you would call a casual fan. Still, when you see me in my Crimson Tide hoodie, do not say “go Alabama” to me. That’s the ultimate sign that you are not a true follower of the team. You “Roll Tide” that shit or you keep your mouth shut.
I couldn’t hide my perplexed, borderline disgusted, face when an old man said that to me in the airport today. If you’re an Alabama fan, “Roll Tide” is something you should know. Hell, in my family, we teach children “Roll Tide” from the moment they take their first breath.
Sit your ass back down, old man.
Whew – that felt good. Remember, to submit your own Thursday Rant, hit us up onFacebook or on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork. See you next Thursday.
