Via Time – “A German opposition lawmaker has been criticized for suggesting on Sunday that authorities could subsidize paid sex for patients requiring nursing care.
The Green Party’s spokeswoman on care policy, Elisabeth Scharfenberg, told Welt am Sonntag newspaper that she could imagine authorities “financing sexual assistance.”
Prostitution has been legal in Germany since 2002 and the newspaper also wrote that Scharfenberg’s suggestion has its roots in a system based in the Netherlands, where applicants have to prove a medical need and show that they are otherwise unable to pay for a sex worker themselves.
Governing Social Democrats lawmaker Karl Lauterbach told Bild daily on Monday that the country did not “need paid prostitution in homes for the elderly, and certainly not on prescription,” Associated Press reports.”
Elisabeth, you got a fine brain on you, ma’am. Really taking “respect your elders” to a whole new level. I thought I was doing well to hold doors for old ladies and sit to talk about the weather with old men at Cracker Barrel – felt like I’ve really been making my mark on the elderly community, but clearly, the Germans have the right idea.
Now, I know if I want to really make life better for the elderly, I have to start writing my local politicians demanding that we start sending hookers….oh, excuse me…. “sex workers,” to retirement homes.
What’s that? Prostitution is illegal in the United States? Well, shit. Guess I don’t have a leg to stand on after all. By the way, America is so behind the times it’s not even funny. We could probably pay off the national debt in a month if prostitution, weed, and sports betting were legal. But, no – we have morals. So overrated. But, what do I know? That’s why I’m sitting here typing instead of making big decisions like who’s going to build my big divisive wall to seal off the Mexican border.
Anyway, seems like there’s some resistance to this. Ol’ Karl up there seems to think they shouldn’t pay for elderly sex prescriptions, like it’s a bad idea or something. Psshhhh……sit down, old man!
I’m also a big fan of the politically correct terms they’ve come up with to describe this industry – “sexual assistance” and “sex worker.” I’m not a PC guy, so I much prefer “stump grinding” and “hoe.” But, that’s just me. I certainly understand the need to make this sound a little more professional. You’re not going to win a vote going in there shouting, “We need hoes for the elderly” or “The old people need some stump grinding.” So, good job at making this feel like it’s no different from getting your monthly antidepressants.
But, nonetheless, I have some major questions after reading this story. Namely, do old people still have sex? I have always heard that once you hit 40, your junk stops and working, and by 50, you’re lucky if you’re spitting dust out your pecker. And, regardless of whether your body is working or not, you’re just lucky to live past 60. Right? Those are the rules, I think. But, like we’ve established – Germany is far ahead of the United States. Their old people bump uglies.
(Editor’s note: All joking aside, STDs are quite rampant in the retirement community because retirement homes are like frat houses with all the old people stump grinding. It’s gross, but good for the elderly that are still out there putting in work.)
Second, is there a medical condition that requires sex? I could research it, but I don’t feel like it. And, since I’m the EIC here, that means I don’t have to. The thought that one might have a medical disposition that requires sex is flooring. How do you fix that?!?! Just bone all the time? This is surely something that started somewhere as one guy thinking, “if I just commit to saying this is a medical condition, it may pay off in spades for me.” People bought in, and when the results were seen, his neighbors and friends started flaunting this “sex disease,” too.
I have nothing to base that on – I’m just spitballin’ here, folks. Regardless, hats off to Germany for being so progressive and thoughtful. I know I, for one, am looking at retirement homes over there just in case.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
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