Not sure when Mickey Mouse got so gutter, but I’m not going to judge. Matter of fact, I kinda dig it. It makes me think we need to track Mickey down and hire him for my birthday party at Buffalo’s Nashville on Saturday, June 24th.
But, boy – birthday parties just ain’t what they used to be. I guess it’s because the world’s a lot less wholesome than it was when I was a kid. I had birthday parties with my family, everything was plastered with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Ghostbusters stuff. We ate cake, and just generally enjoyed the company of one another. Now, it seems like these children’s parties are more geared towards adults.
Honestly, I don’t mind it. Have you ever been to a kid’s birthday party? They’re typically boring as hell. So, why not try and liven it up? I mean, damn – the kids are going to discover twerking soon enough on their own. Might as well just accept that.
By the time I have kids, we’ll probably be buying PornHub subscriptions for them on their second birthday. That’s where this seems to be headed, but that’s the world and we can’t change it. Just have to live with it. At least then I’ll know EXACTLY what to pick out and won’t be stuck staring at a shelf full of Shopkins wondering what the fuck they are.
As far as the twerking itself, I give Mickey a rating of 6/10. Lot of room for improvement here, but after this has gotten out, I’m sure he’ll get plenty of opportunities to practice. People are going to be lining up for his services. It’s 2017, and it’s all about being “lit” these days. This definitely qualifies as LIT.
There’s a high ceiling here, but the technique wasn’t all there. I’m sure he’ll develop that over time. For one, Mickey is fully clothed. That violates the number one rule of twerking: you have to have at least some form of cleavage going to get the desired effect. It could be breast cleavage. It could be plumber’s crack. Or, if you’re a man, it could be scrotum cleavage. Any will qualify, but Mickey is exhibiting NONE of those here.
Second, Mickey has to use the picnic table to stabilize himself. I would recommend yoga every morning to help with that sense of balance and develop more core strength. Finally, he’s going to have to hit the treadmill. Get that cardio up – he seems to tire out by the end of the video. In fairness, we don’t know how long he had been twerking prior to the camera coming on.
But, the bottom line is if you’re twerking, you have to twerk right.
Also, it’s a veritable crime to only hear just a part of “Back That Ass Up” in the South, so here ya go:
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo
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