Gather round, folks. We’re here for story time with “Big Natural” Stoney Keeley. Today, we’re going to talk about those horse and buggies you’ll encounter around Nashville on any given night. It may sound like a good idea in theory…a nice date night spent galloping through town, seeing all the pretty lights, and feeling the breeze comb through your hair.
But, I can assure you…these carriages are little more than a nuisance. In fact, I’m willing to say that they are the real enemy of the native Nashvillian. Not the oft-ostracized pedal taverns.
The scene – it’s a Saturday night in the Music City. My girlfriend, her friend, her friend’s husband, and I had just finished up a rousing game at Top Golf. My first time there and boy was I impressed. I mean, sure – my back was stiff as a board the next day and I’m fairly positive that my right shoulder popped out of its socket. But, it was fun nonetheless.
So, we decide we’re going to take the party downtown. After all, it’s a beautiful night, it’s early enough that it hasn’t gotten too crazy, and though it wasn’t #GinFriday, we were certainly celebrating life and waving at the haters.
My girlfriend runs over a bolt driving by one of the seemingly endless construction sites in the city. But, it plugs the tire pretty well. So, we game plan to drive slowly – take Church over to 1st and then it’s a straight shot down Lebanon Road back home to Hermitage.
That’s when it happens.
We pass Printer’s Alley and boom – we’re suddenly stuck behind one of these horse and buggies. It’s creeping down Church. The whole time we’re sweating it out with a bolt in our tire….and sure enough, the damn thing turns right onto 1st Avenue. People are easing over into the other lane, trying to get a glimpse of what’s holding this newly developed line of traffic up.
There’s nowhere for the horse to pull over, as if to allow us all to pass. So, it just keeps creeping along 1st.
People are angry, stuck because it’s not like you can just conveniently turn around and choose another route. And, the whole thing set us back 20 minutes. 20 MINUTES – to get from Printer’s Alley to 1st and Broadway. Thankfully, it was smooth sailing from there.
But, it flooded me with memories. Before I left dreaded day job #3 right there on 2nd Avenue, I had to deal with these things every damn day. I realized – we, as native Nashvillians, give Pedal Taverns a lot of shit….but at least those things can move.
And, these carriage setups can’t be good for the horse. Y’know, people were protesting the big horse show last year for animal cruelty…well, why aren’t people out picketing the horse carriages that traverse THE MIDDLE OF THE DAMN STREET on busy Nashville nights?
Look, I’m not saying we should ban them outright. But, maybe we can have a conversation about better regulating them. Maybe we don’t bring the horse and buggies out in the middle of fucking rush hour? It’s 5PM on a Tuesday, traffic’s already terrible, and I’m stuck behind some tourists ooo-ing and ahhhh-ing across town. That is not ideal.
At the very least, we should agree to start picking on the horse and buggy the same way we do the Pedal Tavern. That’s all I’m asking.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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